


Admire

by salade



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Bad Parenting, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Meetings, Getting to Know Each Other, High-class parties, Jin is lowkey kuudere, Kim Namjoon | RM is a Sweetheart, Kim Seokjin | Jin is Bad at Feelings, Loneliness, Rich Kim Namjoon | RM, Rich Kim Seokjin | Jin, Rich Kim Taehyung | V, Self-Discovery, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Sweet Kim Seokjin | Jin, Touch-Starved, needs to open up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23214004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salade/pseuds/salade
Summary: You'd never needed anyone else. Growing up alone, living alone, existing alone. It all came naturally and effortlessly, quite like breathing. That was until your somewhat distant parents finally decided it was time to make good on a promise. One they'd made before you were even born.To you, an arranged marriage sounded like your averagely overused television plot or writing trope, yet now that it was actually happening there was nothing you could do but accept it and move on. At the end of the day, you were nothing more than a placeholder to represent and uphold your family name.Well, too bad your husband ended up being everything you were not expecting.*Also cross-posting to mytumblr.Please head on over there for general updates, or if you want to leave a message/chat with me!*
Relationships: Kim Seokjin | Jin/Reader, Kim Seokjin | Jin/You
Comments: 30
Kudos: 118





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back at it! This was something I started working on after a random dream last year, and it's not completely done but I figured I would put up what I have to see what you guys think. 
> 
> I'll say it again... we need more Jin on this website! I know I'm not alone in thinking this, so hopefully this story (which I plan to be pretty lengthy) can satiate a few of us desperate Jin stans T-T
> 
> Leave any feedback when you like! :)

**\--3rd Person--**

All she could see were those eerily beautiful chocolate-brown eyes looking back at her. Even though she’d only met them that morning, and besides the fact that they regarded her coolly as a result, she couldn’t help but let herself be lured deep into them. Melting in front of the man himself, as if he’d cast a spell on her and bent her to his will upon a simple glance.

She could only let a small sigh of acceptance fall from her parted lips. It was nothing but an inevitability at this point.

_Here he is…my husband._

~

The days leading up to that point had been excruciating for (Y/n) (L/n), but for some reason knowing that her entire life had just been signed away to some stranger didn’t shock her as much as she thought it would. It would have, and definitely should have, but the young woman always knew in the back of her careful mind that the day would soon dawn.

“Dear, your father and I told you a while ago about our company connections with the Kims, right?”

(Y/n) blinked the crusty sleep from her eyes as her mother’s words rang sharply through the quiet living room. She sat further back into the plush couch and brought her legs up underneath her, eyeing the way her parents exchanged wary looks.

“Mum, Dad… Please don’t beat around the bush. Yeah, everyone knows about the Kim family because of how filthy rich they are, and even though you guys barely talk about them I _do_ know that our company is connected to theirs somehow. It only serves to explain why Dad’s so successful half the time.”

Her groggy voice held no malignant tone because it pretty much felt like reciting a memorized speech at this point. If her parents were insulted by her brutally honest commentary, they showed absolutely no sign of it.

“Yes, I firmly believed you would’ve kept up with at least some of our more important professional relations. Sorry to get you up early, but there’s something we need to tell you before we leave for our business trip,” Her father continued after clearing his throat. (Y/n) quirked an eyebrow in confusion, because it wasn’t normal for her parents to act so interested in her.

_They’ve never really paid mind to my opinions._

Well it sounded bad no matter how you put it, but that was truly what it was like. Working for a big corporation and having to run many aspects of a widespread company meant that her busy parents didn’t have as much time for their daughter. Growing up, she learnt how to take care of herself and didn’t mind developing that sense of independence many of her high school friends lacked. Her bond with her parents was built on a foundation of mutual respect and trust, so when people asked her about growing up neglected, she directly shut down the idea.

In her mind, being brought up by parents who treated you as an adult early on was the best way to get a head-start in life.

“I don’t know if I should be concerned,” The sleepy girl grunted and fiddled with the pyjama shirt she still wore.

“Well, that’s for you to decide now. It’s about the marriage thing we discussed a few years back. Do you remember?” Her father asked bluntly, straight to the point and not sugar-coating a single thing along the way.

“Oh, yes,” (Y/n) hummed after letting out a small ‘ _ah_ ’ of recognition.

“Where you guys agreed to marry me off to their son?”

_The son no one really knows about, to be honest._

“Don’t put it like that,” Her mother started sternly, “It was an agreement with the Kims that we made long before you were of age. It’s only right, considering both of our families and their lineages.”

(Y/n) still didn’t let any emotions bleed into her tone or expression. She wasn’t shocked, upset or disgusted by what was going on, because she knew that this day would come around and rear its ugly head eventually. It was one of the many perks of being born into a family such as hers; having your partner decided for you so that you could keep the bloodlines within a ‘respectable’ standard. God forbid you actually fall in love, or something.

It was an outdated tradition, but it still existed. She knew this, even if it had in fact been swept under the rug and forgotten for most of her teenage years.

“The ceremony is happening after we get home. The staff already know what’s going on and preparations are already underway. We’ve left you some files to read up on about the Kims and Seokjin himself, if you’re curious.”

_So this is why I got my measurements taken the other night. Sneaky maids._

(Y/n) heard the sound of the front door clicking shut echo through the whole house as her parents finally left. She just really didn’t know how to feel about it all, or how to feel about her future husband. She already had this voice nagging in the back of her mind telling her about how awkward the whole relationship was going to be. Two strangers thrust into marriage, only having uttered maybe a simple ‘hello’ to one another prior.

More likely than not, he was going to be some pompous ass who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, a spoilt brat, and she honestly didn’t know how she was going to put up with a constant irritation after living such a supposedly quiet life. The cold truth was she wouldn’t be able to, and _that_ would only lead to constant fighting and unnecessary tension. Were there any positives to think about here, actually?

(Y/n) shook her head and groaned in frustration, not caring about the noise level since there would be no staff milling around the house for a few hours yet.

_What did they even say his name was? Sock…something? They’re Korean, aren’t they?_

She gave up on trying to eat an early breakfast and decided to find the so-called files her parents had left for her to browse. She needed to know a name and age at the very least.

Shuddering at the thought of marrying someone twice her age, the young woman slipped into the study room and found what she was looking for almost immediately. There were multiple files on the Kim family in general, but there was only one that held her focus.

_Seokjin. Seokjin Kim, or I guess the other way around in, uh, Korea._

There wasn’t even a photo to help douse her curiosity regarding the looks department, but she breathed a sigh of relief after reading that he was in his early twenties like her. No need to worry about perverted old men or baby-faced teens fresh out of high school. Nope, she could cross a few major concerns off the list already. What a plus.

There wasn’t too much to read about on his file at all, but she didn’t mind. When she thought about it, she was going to have a long, long time to get to know this dude whether she wanted to or not. Why not keep an element of mystery while you can?

She could already tell she’d bypassed the heavy stages of grief. Only settling deep into acceptance after already having years to move on from any other feeling. This was it.

~

A week or two later was when she found herself standing across from him at the altar. Him and his cursed eyes. Cursed, because of how they were so beautiful yet so chilling at the same time. How they looked like they could see so much of a person’s soul with one fleeting look. She didn’t know if she liked it or not, but he had an effect on her regardless.

The minister’s words faded into the background as she observed the tall, silent man in front of her.

_Yep, this is Kim Seokjin, and now I belong to him._


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's the first chapter for you all! I have a lot in store for this one, so hopefully you're all as excited as I am. Feel free to check out my other stories or visit my [tumblr](https://salade-tb.tumblr.com/) to ask me anything :)
> 
> Enjoy~

After all that, you supposed God wasn’t too cruel in the end.

You only say this because even in the midst of every other screwed up thing going on in this family-organised-arranged-marriage, the deity had decided to reward you with a man that wasn’t grotesque to look at. Actually, Seokjin was pretty damn far from it.

You observed the back of the tall man’s head as you made your way up towards the house. _Our house_. The whole place had been settled for you already, making you feel as though your marriage to this wealthy son had been planned long before you’d learned how to even walk.

You hadn’t really spoken to one another because the ceremony had been over in a blink. You could barely remember how it had all gone down, or what his voice had even sounded like. That was how tired and withdrawn you’d been feeling during the whole day so far. Literally the only memory fizzling through your mind at this point was the sight of his eyes boring holes into your own as you were wed in front of your families.

Not attempting to change anything in the conversational aspect of things, you followed him up to the front doors in a daze. Already from the outside you could tell that the Kim family had not skimped on luxuries at all. The house was magnificent and white, standing tall in the middle of a green, grandiose garden that you could tell had been preened perfectly by eye. The only thing missing from this spectacle was a water fountain plonked somewhere out the front.

“Sheesh.” You whistled lowly, feeling the large suitcase fall away from your fingers in a sharp movement. You had no idea how to even react to what you were seeing, because this was almost too much.

Inside, the house – _mansion_ rather – was no better or worse. It was exactly what you’d expect from people like them. Rich and grand.

_I wouldn’t count on much contribution from my side… This is all on his folks._

You stifled a chuckle of disbelief and flicked your gaze towards Seokjin. He wasn’t as shocked, if his lack of verbal response was any indication, so you waited to see if he’d have any reaction at all. Any reaction to the fact that this place was his. _Ours_.

“So they did use Aunty Soo’s,” he sighed after a good few seconds of emptiness. You furrowed your brows and forced yourself not to feel too confused at the odd first impression he was having on you. He had every opportunity to be bratty or spoilt, considering that he knew just how much his parents were putting into this, but he just wasn’t. He was too closed off, if anything.

_That makes life easier to put up with for me, anyway._

“Ah, sorry,” he started, turning around to face you, “The place has about ten rooms available, so feel free to look around and choose one you want.”

You wish your face hadn’t lit up in surprise the way it did just at him simply addressing you, but it had. Undeniably and painfully so.

You nodded and bent down to grasp the handle of your suitcase before making your way further into the rather spacious house. You couldn’t pay attention to the furniture and decoration at this point because you were solely focused on figuring out how you’d remember the way back to the front door. You’d need a while to get over the embarrassment still tickling your cheeks anyway.

After a solid half hour of searching and settling on one of the smaller bedrooms, you knew you had to face your admittedly respectable, albeit intimidating husband again. He wasn’t even stuck-up, and you didn’t know whether you’d actually prefer being able to yell at someone right now to vent out all that stress and frustration. It was just so _weird_ , but the logical part of you knew that being forced into a life together with someone who was easy to co-operate with would be ideal.

He definitely knew that already too. Big yes for having a husband who was most likely freakishly clever and equally as condescending when he needed to be.

“Here, come and sit.”

The sound of his voice, which you’d decided was rich and mellow, was beginning to familiarise itself to your ears. Part of you wondered if he ever sang or delivered speeches. In fact, you had many curiosities about the new man in your life, but you knew it’d have to wait or either remain unanswered for now. Following the sound, you found him sitting on a stool in the kitchen while scrolling through his phone.

“I just chose the room at the end of the left hallway. It’s small, but should do alright,” you told him and shrugged, surprised at yourself for not feeling more anxious and uncertain about starting a conversation with the man. Although, the hints of croakiness in your voice reminded you of how little you had spoken during the past couple of hours arriving.

“That’s fine. I’m down the other end if I ever need to be found.”

A silence fell, but it wasn’t awkward. It just consisted of you pulling one of your knees up to rest under your chin for comfort, hips slightly swinging the kitchen stool underneath you as you eyed him pointedly. Anyone could see that he had more urgent matters to discuss.

“I’m going to be honest and frank with you, always, because there’s no point in wasting time messing around and pretending like idiots,” Seokjin grunted. You admired the way the line of his strong eyebrows accentuated the no-nonsense tone of his voice, and you admired the direction he was taking with this conversation.

“Vice versa then, my friend.” You smirked, rolling the knee you were resting on to alleviate the stress on your muscles. If the broadly built man cared for the slight sarcasm in your words, he didn’t show it.

“I don’t think either of us want to be here, or want to be involved in any arranged marriage, but luckily it hasn’t been set in stone just yet,” he continued, a sparkle of amusement glinting in his eyes that you thought you’d never see there.

“Please elaborate, because the vows are already done and dusted. If that isn’t the setting of stone then I don’t know what is,” you marveled, interest rising after hearing that this arrangement may not last. What could he possibly mean?

“I’m saying right now that I’ve already basically organised the divorce. I’ll get into it in a second, but if you’re offended by anything I’ve said, just let me know because I’m already tired and just want to get this out of the way.”

He already sounded exhausted enough, you’d noticed since the discussion had started. It was difficult not to smile, because he obviously had no idea who you were or what kind of personality he was dealing with. The raven-haired man already wanted to be away from this random marriage and away from this woman he had to call his wife. She who was nothing but a stranger to him. You couldn’t blame the guy, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel similarly.

“I’m okay, seriously don’t worry about me. Explain how you’re worming your way out of this so soon, I’m honestly jealous of your skills,” you huffed, finally putting your leg down to let the blood start flowing through it properly.

“Okay, good, good. Please stay this compliant.” He sighed and ran a large hand down his face. It was the first time he’d allowed himself to seem kind of human in front of you. Every other time he’d look at you or speak to you, he seemed to embody a stone wall. One that _had_ to interact with others just to stay courteous.

You felt a flicker of gratification simmer lightly within you, almost as if hearing his backhanded praise made you feel acknowledged… and wow, being respected by Kim Seokjin. You shouldn’t even be thinking about it, but having an upbringing that banked on a sense of recognition, praise and respect meant that it was something you craved from people. To you, it was the foundation of relationships, of friendships. In the span of the conversation so far, you’d gone from wanting to avoid this steely man to wanting to be noticed by him.

The ring on your right hand felt heavier than ever.

“All my family want is to continue their business and keep their good bloodlines. It’s traditional and looked down on by society these days, but it doesn’t deter them from the idea. They need their sons to do both of these things, to continue running their company and to eventually produce successors along the way. It’s just how it works in a world like ours. You’d know that too, wouldn’t you?” he asked, but it was rhetorically at best. He kept switching between scanning your expression with his hardened eyes to glancing over the walls of the room.

“Sure. You said sons though. You have brothers?” you prompted.

“At least you’re quick,” Seokjin noted quietly.

There was that flicker again.

“Yes, I have a younger brother. His name is Namjoon and he’s the one that’s going to pull me out of this. He himself is getting married next year, but he hasn’t told our parents yet and wants to wait so they don’t meddle with things like they do.”

“Damn, falling in love with someone and marrying them without your wealthy folks knowing like, six years earlier? That’s a rarity I’d pay to see...”

Seokjin even managed to crack the smallest half-smile at that, but it was still indifferent. This was the harsh reality you both had to face.

“So, because Joon is way more likely to actually follow through with what Mum and Dad want, I’ll be let off the hook and you can go back to the life you were living too. I already thought about it when this whole marriage was announced to the family.”

You sat back in shock and blinked a couple of times to fully process what he’d revealed. For the first time ever, the attractive man in front of you lent his undivided attention, waiting to see what you’d do or how you’d respond. Being caught under his beautiful gaze was stifling.

“I can’t think of anything that could contest that plan,” you uttered thoughtfully, “And it’s not like my parents would raise a fuss because _I’m_ not the one continuing their legacy as an heir anyway, my older brother is. It would be like this never happened.”

You emphasised your point by moving your index finger between the two of you. He inhaled deeply and slowly dipped his head in agreement. Even if a little messed up, his shiny black hair bounced slightly with the movement and you couldn’t help but watch the soft strands flutter.

“But we still have to last through until Joon ties the knot. It would be easy if I didn’t have to keep face in the presence of my parents and their friends, and the public eye,” Seokjin said and removed himself from the stool. You followed his figure with your eyes and swiveled the seat underneath you to carry on facing him. From his words alone, you knew you were pretty insignificant to him and his social standing as it was.

“Speaking of, when do we have to appear to the public again?” you queried, feeling discouraged. He picked up on the dread shadowing your tone and let out a breathy laugh of understanding. You found yourself wanting to know what his actual laugh sounded like, but he was already moving away towards his room. He turned back once to answer you before retreating to bed for the night.

“It won’t be something consistent or regular, going out together that is, because it’s not really my thing. The next public showing will probably be some kind of formal ball my parents usually throw for special events. So… have something nice to wear and you’ll be fine.”

With that you sat alone in the kitchen, the bright lights casting your shadow along the shimmering white benchtop in a picturesque scene of lonesomeness. Here you were in a house of your own with a complete stranger, breathing the same air and sharing the same space. It couldn’t get any weirder than this, but at least you could level with one another about the whole thing. Plus, the man had already figured out a way to get both of your lives back to normal. You were impressed, and intrigued to say the least. 

Who actually was Kim Seokjin, and why had he turned out to be someone with worth to his words?

Why on Earth did he have to be exactly the opposite of everything you thought he’d be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know your thoughts and feedback below. It's much appreciated  
> <3


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For my readers who have been keeping up with some of my other works, rest assured I'm still chipping away and I'm going to do my best to upload some more stuff soon. Those who are just here for this story, feel free to ignore this note! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this slightly longer chapter :)

Another week passed and not much changed in your household. Seokjin hadn’t lied, as his mother had sent out an invitation to their formal ball not even two days after he’d brought it up. You knew you should’ve felt excited about meeting his family and dressing up, but you didn’t feel particularly happy or upset about it.

You were nervous and curious. Nervous because you would have to try your best to make good impressions and mingle acceptably with rich entrepreneurs, but curious only of Seokjin himself. The man was still a closed shell to you, wanting to just co-exist rather than get to know you or indulge in a few hours human company. You didn’t _feel_ lonely quite yet, but that’s just because you were used to being alone.

“Okay just a couple of hours until my driver gets here,” Seokjin announced in that expressionless tone of his. You watched him as he moved in between his bedroom and the bathroom to get ready with haste. For someone who usually expressed distaste for these functions, he sure seemed to be putting in some effort.

“The dress code is just formal? No black or white … or coloured?” you asked, snorting out the last bit because of how dumb it sounded coming from your lips.

“Have you never been to a formal celebration ball before?” he seemed to wonder to himself rather than actually asking. “It didn’t come with a code really, just a nice dress is fine.”

You cocked an eyebrow and huffed in mild frustration.

“No, I actually haven’t been to anything like this before. Thanks for asking.”

There was no reply from him, and you didn’t stick around to see if he was stunned or anything. As you slipped into one of your nicer long black dresses, you felt your frustration evaporating into thin air. He had no need to know everything about you, since neither of you exactly wanted this relationship to happen in the first place. Neither one of you had tried to establish a friendship either, so there’s that.

He and you were just handling it all in different ways. You were used to being alone, but you also knew you would start to crave human touch and attention as much as the next person would. A whole life of sticking to yourself had caused that tension and desire to build up dramatically.

He, on the other hand, would just be fine knowing that his partner was alive and doing well. No need to go above and beyond, or make special exceptions for you just because you’d obtained the status of ‘wife’. You didn’t mean all that much to him.

Your fingers yanked harder on the zipper than they should have.

_Don’t be stupid, it’s not like he ignores you entirely._

Yeah, it could be worse. Much worse.

You gave up on trying to do up the zipper for now and let your gaze travel up the length of the dress in the mirror. It was a high-neck cut with a medium sized slit going up the left leg area. Not too provocative for a formal dance – or ball, you decided after a few minutes. You also chose some decently sized silver heels, seeing that Seokjin was a giant and you didn’t want to look like a dwarf next to him.

“Are you nearly done?” you heard his low voice question from further down the hallway. Knowing men, he would’ve finished up getting ready pretty quick just like your brother used to. You could tell from the faint scent of cologne drifting into your room that he’d already gone through with his own finishing touches.

“Yeah, just makeup at this point,” you called back, fiddling with the mascara brush in your hand while trying not to ruin what you’d already worked so hard on. Curse you and your need to impress others, it was honestly never worth all the pain and trouble of heels and makeup. In the end, this is what it meant to have a rich husband and in-laws, a social pressure that required the struggle of making yourself into someone you weren’t.

“Seokjin, can you get my zipper? Then I’m done,” you requested, grabbing a purse and hearing the sound of your heels clack against the floor as you made your way out towards him. You turned around and didn’t search for a reaction out of him, if there was any at all. You wouldn’t seek a man’s approval for something such as your looks usually, but here and now you were more nervous about getting a bad reaction more than anything.

_If I don’t look good enough just come out and tell me, I don’t need shit like compliments or praises._

You tried not to shudder at the feeling of his warmer fingers pulling the cold zipper up the length of your back and shoulders.

“I’m glad you decided on black,” he said simply after letting the zip go. You turned around in surprise, ready to say something back, but your mouth only hung open slightly when you took in the suit-clad man before you. Mixed with the way he’d slightly styled his night black hair away from his forehead and the wisps of the cologne you’d caught earlier, he was a walking heart attack.

“Guess it’s more of a couple thing to match, right?” You laughed awkwardly after regaining yourself and turned away from his calculating eyes. His handsome looks had shocked you, but you couldn’t let yourself feel anything stronger than what you already did. Not when he wanted nothing to do with you, and not when your relationship hadn’t even passed the stage of having everyday casual conversation.

It had only been a few weeks after meeting one another.

“He’s here,” Seokjin stated calmly before making his way towards the front door. You were left to helplessly scramble after him in those wretched silver heels, the sound of them thrumming against the floor ringing through your ears painfully.

In the car, you found yourself admiring the man a little more after having nothing else to do. He was busy gazing out the window so you took the time to let your eyes scan his face. From where you sat across from him in the back of the vehicle behind tinted windows, it wasn’t hard to pick out little details you hadn’t noticed before.

His strong eyebrows which were too perfect to have not been groomed, his full lips that looked so soft to the touch, the smoothness of his skin and the gentle slope of his nose which would make any model envious.

“So why haven’t you been to many formals before? Your parents are pretty wealthy from what I’ve heard,” he asked suddenly, making you just barely jump in your seat. He noticed, if the small quirk of his lips gave anything away. You tried not to grumble at how he’d startled you out of your staring, embarrassment prickling up your neck even though you masterfully disguised it underneath a soft cough.

“Well, your family go on business trips, right?” you urged, seeing his expression go from slightly curious to confused in a heartbeat. You could feel his eyes on you and tried to suppress the oncoming shiver while turning to the window next to you. His voice came out like smooth velvet when he decided the question was innocent enough to warrant a response.

“Yes, all of us go whenever Dad gets called out. Sometimes it’s in a different state, but usually we’d go to a different country altogether. The period of time varies too. Now that I’m married and considered more independent, I probably won’t go with them. They’d rather me stay at home.”

_Yeah, to produce successors I bet._

Your eyes widened slightly, but you hoped he hadn’t seen your bewilderment at the news.

“Well, that’s more extravagant than I was expecting… but anyway I was always left alone. See, whenever there were parties or functions, my parents would go and leave me at home with the maids so I didn’t complicate their plans. I guess they just wanted less of a risk of something happening to me, or maybe rather less risk of me causing something to happen.”

Seokjin was looking out the window again, but you saw the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly in thought. It was clear that he didn’t really agree with the style of upbringing you’d received, but it just showed that even if your backgrounds were similar, they were still pretty different on their own.

“I understand because you’re not taking over the (L/n) company, but still, most parents take pride in their children and want to show them off to their peers,” he murmured while shifting his leg slightly in discomfort. You didn’t know why it seemed to irk him so much, but you were even surprised that he knew the name of your family’s company.

_Of course he would (Y/n), you idiot. You know his, why wouldn’t he know yours?_

You failed to fight back a sigh, smiling tiredly at his words.

“That’s just your parents, Seokjin. I’ve lived a life barely knowing mine, so that’s why I’m able to keep to myself so much when you and I are at home. You’d rather that than someone who’s high-maintenance, wouldn’t you?” you asked with a breathy laugh following close behind. This was the most lighthearted you’d felt in the man’s presence since the wedding.

Maybe because it was one of the longest conversations you’d held so far, or maybe it was just because you were finally getting tired of holding up your walls. You were caving.

You figured that if you were spending a year of your life with him, it was bound to happen at some point. Maybe not this early on though.

_I think he just has that kind of presence that gets under people’s skin and opens them up for him to see, bare and vulnerable._

“Well, it certainly helps that you’re not complicating our situation,” he agreed eventually with a weirdly apathetic note to his voice. You didn’t know why, but it was saddening to hear the professionalism return to his overall demeanor. Just before, it had been almost like conversing with an acquaintance - you’d even go so far to say a friend.

“Right,” came your simple reply. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his head turn to regard you coolly. It was like you could _feel_ his eyes roaming all over your form, trying to figure you out. If only he knew that’s what _you’d_ been trying and failing to do for the past couple of weeks or so.

You watched the road slip by outside the window, the night sky barely visible due to the lights of the city beaming overhead the entire way. In no time, you were pulling up to a venue that was even more magnificent than your own house. Your nerves and anxiety had dwindled down before when talking with Seokjin, but now it all flared back up at the sight of bejeweled ladies and classy suited businessmen milling around the front entrance of the building.

Your breath stuttered in your throat. You didn’t belong here, even if your family was well-known enough to not be sneered at in a place like this. You weren’t used to it, and you weren’t used to crowds, or speaking with important people, or –

“Mother’s already here, let’s go,” Seokjin’s voice tore you away from your inner panic, but being an expert at masking your fears meant that it hadn’t shown too drastically. The man beside you grunted in surprise as you looped your left arm around his gently, looking straight ahead to avoid any awkwardness and confusion.

“I can talk about it later, but can I just stick by your side tonight?” you asked while trying to keep any form of shakiness away from your voice. His forearm felt strong and sturdy underneath yours, almost like a rock keeping you grounded as your head swam from the sheer pressure of it all.

“Please do, it’ll keep my mother happy.”

It was a less than eloquent response, but you weren’t complaining. As long as you knew he was there you could keep your nervous jitters to a minimum. Knowing how observant he could be, your spike of unease had probably already been noticed. You felt relieved when he firmly led the way towards the front doors, not stopping to ask what was wrong or fuss over your sudden need to latch onto him. You preferred it that way.

You barely knew him, but you knew him more than anyone else here.

Inside was just as marvellous as outside, with grand sparkling chandeliers cascading from the ceiling and lavish tables that promoted the finer kind of dining scattered throughout the room. you’d been prepared to face an intense crowd of wealthy people, but actually seeing how many there were inside was astonishing. People milling around the food, chatting in groups here and there, and countless couples waltzing out on the dance floor having the time of their lives.

Your vision was swirling at how many extravagant gowns there were jostling about the place. Just like Seokjin, you were glad to have chosen a simple black getup in comparison to these women who were thirsting for the attention of the men around them. You reminded yourself that the ring on your finger was a stark message to anyone interested that you were undeniably off the market.

“Seokjin! Dear, how lovely to see you here finally as a married man!” An older woman’s greeting broke into your reverie, and you snapped your head forward as Seokjin removed his arm from yours, bending down to return the hug the woman brought him into. You presumed it was his mother, as she’d been just as beautiful as him from the glimpse you had.

You’d need that arm back soon.

“Ah, my dear (Y/n) as well. It’s great to see you again.” She turned to you with a smile and you exchanged your own greetings.

_Again?_

“The pleasure is all mine Mrs. Kim.” You smiled back. The moment was proving just how quickly the day of your wedding had flown by, as you hadn’t even recognised your own mother-in-law upon seeing her again. Why hadn’t you paid more attention during that damn ceremony?

“Looks like we’re both Mrs. Kim now. How _is_ your relationship going Jinnie?” She flickered her piercing gaze back to her tall son, catching him slightly off guard. Looked like your opinion on the matter was irrelevant, considering how low you sat on the hierarchical ladder.

To your shock, you felt Seokjin’s arm snake around the curve of your waist almost hesitantly. The touch was somewhat shy, as if he didn’t want to scare you but needed to do it for the sake of satisfying the watchful eyes of his mother. For some reason, the feeling of his hold caused a wave of safety and comfort to come crashing down on you, and you subconsciously leaned further into the warmth he provided.

“We’re going great. Things couldn’t be better.” He smiled and assured in a level tone of voice. You had seen him smile naturally maybe one or two times, so you knew that this one was pretty forced though still very believable. You suddenly caught yourself and made sure to smile as well, selling the happiest-couple-alive act until it could be sold no more.

You were more focused on enjoying the feeling of having his secure arm back in your grasp, while simultaneously trying to ignore the tingling sensations erupting all over your body at the weight of his large hand resting upon the tight fabric of your dress.

“That’s wonderful to hear, I hope you like the house!” the woman continued, not seeming to notice how much of a sham this truly was. Seokjin was a little lost for words about the house, so you took over in an instant.

“Oh the house is beautiful, we couldn’t have asked for anything more Mrs. Kim. Whoever picked out the interior design and colour scheme is certainly talented.”

The woman blinked in surprise and then broke out into an even wider grin.

“Well, you flatter me dear. God knows my husband has no taste, so the job fell to me and my sisters, who were very willing to help.”

_Score! I was hoping she’d done it._

“Yes, I wasn’t expecting to move into Aunty Soo’s old place,” Seokjin broke into the conversation with an accusatory note that was barely hidden underneath the pleasant tone. You held your breath, as this was something you knew nothing about and didn’t want to be caught up into.

“You could have seen it coming, as I for one thought it would be an obvious choice. Why should we let that nice house go to waste?” His mother sniffed dismissively. “Oh, your brother’s here. Make sure to see everyone dear, they’re all excited to hear about your life now that you’ve taken such a big step!”

As she filtered away into the crowd, you heard Seokjin mutter under his breath.

“Not that I had a choice.”

You blinked up at him and let out the air you were holding in unsteadily. His arm slipped away from the curve of your waist in a slow movement. You knew that his words probably should have stung, but they didn’t. Only a fool would believe in developing actual feelings when it came to an arranged marriage. It just didn’t happen.

“Don’t worry about the whole touching thing Seokjin, I want to make things believable too, so I’m willing to let you take whatever measures you have to. I already threw myself at you before,” you said while tapping your finger against his clothed arm to gain his attention. The annoyance seemed to slide off his handsome features and he finally looked down at you for what seemed to be the first time in forever.

“Yes, well I didn’t mean to go that far but I wasn’t thinking straight. I guess I should thank you for going along with it.” He sighed loudly. His posture relaxed and you noticed just then how drained he looked.

“How long do we have to stay here? If we can help it, can we go early?” you murmured quietly so that only he could hear, almost a whisper in the busy air. His eyes flashed with amusement and you were startled into silence at the sight, expecting for him to be disappointed if anything. The thought had just blurted out after you’d seen him looking so tired.

“Hm, I guessed you wouldn’t last long since you’re not used to these events. We’ll stay for another couple of hours at least.”

You fought back a grunt of frustration and nodded along obediently. His tone had bordered on condescending, but for some reason hadn’t quite reached that peak. He never did, and you found it so strange and oddly endearing.

_I only asked because you seemed over it too…_

Soon he was dragging you off to meet more people. Your mouth and cheek muscles were tired from all the unnecessary smiling, but if you hadn’t convinced everyone in the damn place that you were happily married and in love then you would throw yourself off the nearest bridge. Your heels were beginning to ache and your back was starting to grow stiff from standing up so straight. If you didn’t relax, people were going to notice that you were way too tensed up and uncomfortable in this environment.

“Where are we going?” you grunted, making sure not to raise your voice too much in case a scene was made. He’d taken your hand and led you over to the floor where all the couples were dancing, not uttering a word and flipping his eyes from left to right somewhat suspiciously.

You didn’t know how much time had passed since the fateful meeting with his mother, but it had surely been hours by now. Hours of _interacting_ with people. You could only keep your mask on for so long…

“I want you to meet my brother, but it has to be somewhere more secluded. I asked him earlier to meet me on the other side of the dancefloor in ten minutes so that it’s not too obvious that we’re sneaking,” he said lowly, keeping his gorgeous eyes fixed on you so it didn’t seem overly suspicious already. Looking into their depths put you in a weird trance, it always had, so you found yourself going along with whatever he had planned wordlessly.

“I’m meeting Namjoon?” You cocked your head, waiting for a confirmation as the broad-shouldered man brought you into the throng of dancing couples. As if it just came naturally, he pulled you around to face him and you fell into a general waltz.

_Who would’ve thought that in the span of three or four weeks, I’d be at some rich ass party dancing with a stranger, oh and married too?_

“Yeah. He’s been wanting to meet you too, since-”

He cut himself off abruptly by pressing his plush lips together, and you understood that speaking about the whole divorce thing was too risky in amongst such a large group of people who could listen. You squeezed his arm that your hand was resting on reassuringly and looked down to watch your feet as you danced. You thanked the heavens that the maids had bothered to teach you this when you were growing up, though you _were_ a little rusty.

“I get it. So are you telling me we have to do this for ten minutes and somehow end up on the other side of this floor?”

“Yep.”

You fell silent, as there was no joking matter, focusing on the sound of the classical music flowing through the air. Weaving around other couples should have been a difficult feat, but Seokjin was skilled at moving his way through the crowd. You just followed his lead, finding it easy considering how tired you’d become as the night had gone on.

You just wanted to go home.

“Hey, don’t trip over or we’ll draw attention,” Seokjin half growled so close to your ear that you jerked in surprise.

“Sorry, I’m just feeling worn out.” You winced, expecting his sigh of disapproval or a tsk of irritation, but instead he said nothing. It was basic ballroom dancing, so there was no need for fancy footwork or a perfect stance, you just needed to move a certain way even if it was mediocrely.

“You’ll need to get used to these events,” he said after another minute of swaying around the floor. The sounds of happy laughter and clinking glasses surrounded you, and if you weren’t so weary you’d probably find it incredibly atmospheric. You gazed up at the stranger you called your husband and admired how strong the line of his jaw was, seeing as he was the only person keeping you on your feet at the moment.

_Why are you relying on him so much (Y/n)? Pull your shit together or you’re going to make a fool of yourself, in front of him._

Oh God, that got your eyes widening and blood pumping again. You needed to stop thinking about how touch-starved you were and show this man that you could actually hold out on your own.

“Let’s get off this damn floor,” you began with a spark of determination and stepped closer to Seokjin for easier maneuvering. His hand that was clasped around yours tightened in surprise and he silently indulged the request with interest flashing in his previously concentrated chocolate-brown eyes.

Soon you were making your way off the hardened dance floor, eventually coming to halt at a nearby table to swipe a flute of champagne. You downed it quickly, but still tried to exude an air of elegance that any lady should possess.

“I don’t know what’s just gotten into you, but you better slow down with those.” Seokjin took your hand as you reached for a third glass, gripping it firmly but not so tight that it hurt. You looked up at him again and his brows drew together at the newfound fire igniting within your gaze.

“Nothing’s gotten into me, I’m just gathering my energy so that I can keep going for longer. I’ll stay here for however long you need me to stay.”

He exhaled deeply and let go of your hand, looking thoughtful as he grabbed a flute of sparkling alcohol for himself. You almost chuckled at the turn of events, but he wasn’t as amused.

“I appreciate that, but I’d rather you not passing out in front of everyone. It would just look bad for both of us.”

_Ah, God forbid he actually cares for my health._

“There’s Joon-ah, let’s go.” He hummed and swallowed down the rest of his drink before leading you over to a large window. Off to the side and away from everyone else, exactly where you wanted to be.

~

The man wasn’t quite as handsome as Seokjin in your opinion, despite being a tad taller, yet he still packed a fair punch with shiny eyes and a kind smile. When he saw his brother coming towards him, he smiled wider and you almost gasped when a small set of dimples made their appearance in his smooth tanned cheeks.

“Hello, you must be (Y/n).” Namjoon held out his hand after sharing a hug with his older brother. You extended your own and heard your breath hitch when he took it and pressed a light kiss to your knuckles. You didn’t know why the simple action caused your insides to stir so suddenly.

_Oh my God, we have a gentleman here._

You brought your hand back to rest against your chest and couldn’t keep the smile off your face. You knew you were probably blushing a little too, as Seokjin’s eyes trailed from one cheek to the other before meeting your gaze wordlessly.

“I’m so glad to finally meet you,” you stammered after Seokjin didn’t initiate anything, “I’m very grateful that you’ve thought about us and our situation even though you have your own plans to figure out.”

Namjoon seemed very appreciative that you didn’t specifically mention what was going on, because even if you were all slightly away from the crowd, there was a chance that someone could eavesdrop.

“Well, I’m glad that I could help someone out while also being happy. I’m sorry that you both got forced into doing something you didn’t want to do, but (Y/n) I’m sure a lady like you would be capable of putting up with my hyung.” Namjoon chuckled in that deep voice of his, and you found yourself smiling again.

“What’s a hyung?”

Seokjin, having been as quiet as a mouse so far, looked down from where he stood next to you and threw an annoyed glance at his little brother before explaining.

“It’s a Korean term men use for their older brothers or older male peers. You might hear some odd phrases that come from our native language, but I can explain them later on.”

“Damn,” you breathed, “I knew of your heritage, but I never would have guessed that English wasn’t your family’s first language. You all sound perfectly natural.”

“Thank you, we learned pretty early in life I guess,” Namjoon responded with a grin. You were just amazed at how rich and talented the people you were surrounded by truly were.

“Well, I said we wouldn’t stay too much longer, so we’ll say our goodbyes now and leave I think,” Seokjin stated after you’d all been chatting for a little longer. After meeting Namjoon you’d begun to feel a little rejuvenated, but at your husband’s words you understood that you were both feeling too tired to continue partying. When you looked around, you saw other people also starting to make their way out of the venue.

“True, it’s wrapping up,” Namjoon noted while glancing around him at the small groups of people remaining. The buffet tables were a lot emptier than they were before.

“I’m sure Mother found you okay?” The dimpled man inclined his head towards Seokjin knowingly, to which the latter sighed and nodded. You wondered how the relationship was between all three of them, and even their father who you hadn’t actually met yet.

“Hm, okay well it was nice to meet my temporary sister-in-law. Stay healthy, alright?”

You smiled warmly at his words and returned the gesture, ready to leave whenever the tall dark-haired man by your side was ready. The two of you walked out of the building quickly and you almost cried out in relief when the driver was already there and waiting.

You sighed out a groan once the door fell shut and you were plunged into the tinted darkness. You didn’t even care if you were being judged by your own husband, tugging off your heels and stretching out your toes with a purr of satisfaction. Remembering your audience, you lifted your head and saw Seokjin looking at you with pursed lips, as if he were subtly trying to hide his amusement at your change of behaviour.

“You try wearing heels for hours on end.” You clicked your tongue, letting the shoes fall to the car floor and curling your legs up onto the seat in order to sit comfortably. You seemed to have a habit of doing that.

“I’ll pass,” Seokjin refused calmly, somehow ridding himself of the amusement but looking out the window with the tiniest of smirks curving his lips upward.

“I promise I’ll get used to parties, I just need some practice … and some more dresses,” you murmured, not sure if you should be ashamed that you couldn’t really keep it together for the whole duration of the event.

“I can cover any cost for the clothes, if you think they’re too expensive,” Seokjin suggested while casting his beautiful gaze over you once more. You tried not to get caught up in his deep cocoa irises and shook your head slowly.

“I have some money, I just never had the need for extravagancies like that.”

“What do you mean, ‘like that’?” he questioned.

“Well, you saw what the women were wearing there. I prefer to keep it neutral but at some point, I’m probably going to need something a bit flashier. To fit in and all.” You sunk your teeth into your bottom lip while trying to figure out what would suit you best.

“I think what you’re wearing is more than fine.”

He was looking out the window again, but the flicker of gratification made its return after the compliment fell from his lips. In fact, it wasn’t a gentle simmer anymore, it was like a fiery blaze of appreciation that made your heart sing and glow from the inside. It was just the feeling of being noticed, acknowledged, and you couldn’t figure out why it had such an impact on you.

Once arriving, you followed Seokjin through the front door of your new home, silver heels in hand and hair pins already snatched from your head to disappear into the depths of your purse.

“Alright, could you unzip me before you go to bed? I can’t reach this thing for the life of me,” you muttered, almost collapsing and falling asleep right there on the kitchen floor as you began settling in for the night. You sighed in relief as the zipper was dragged down the expanse of your back, finally rolling your shoulders and feeling the muscles pop amazingly.

“Thanks, goodnight.”

He replied with his own tired sounding ‘goodnight’ before you heard his bedroom door click shut. For the first outing with the man you’d barely met, you were pretty proud of how you’d presented yourselves to the public eye. Thinking about how much of a nervous wreck you’d been beforehand made you snort and shake your head in embarrassment. You shouldn’t have been so apprehensive.

You began wiping your makeup off and thought about your partner.

You were starting to admire this man for reasons you didn’t even fully know. Maybe it was the way he held himself, and the way he didn’t try to boast or brag about his prosperous background. Maybe it was just how he radiated an aura that demanded acknowledgement and respect from others. You couldn’t explain it. Somehow, you began wanting to get to know more about this mysterious enigma.

Kim Seokjin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I appreciate any feedback. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, hope you're doing well with everything that's going on at the moment. Stay safe, and make sure to find something that brings you happiness and relief. I know many of you are probably having a hard time right now, but I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm over on [tumblr](https://salade-tb.tumblr.com/) <3
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

Time passed a little quicker after that, and soon a couple of months had flown by. You and Seokjin had attended so many events and parties that you’d lost count somewhere along the line. You’d had so much practice in convincing people about your relationship that things just started to come naturally after a while.

Things like smiling at one other when speaking to the high-class attendees of the party, and giving each other small kisses on the cheek when leaving for a trip to the restroom or a drink break – even though it was only you giving, him receiving – and getting even better at dancing so that you could have a short debrief whenever you ended up in each-other’s arms on the dance floor.

Seokjin began to notice that after having some practice wearing heels and conversing with his peers, you could prove yourself quite resourceful and quick-witted. Sometimes you managed to divert a conversation or improvise upon an answer that he never could have even imagined. It made you giggle whenever you shocked him into a stupor, because it was easily passable as a love-struck gaze to anyone watching or listening to the conversation.

Tonight was going to be one of the last events for a while. At least you thought. It was someone’s cousin’s birthday? All you knew was that after this, you could take a breather from the rich population of the city, and Seokjin could too.

“I’m starting to think I should lose weight. I bought this dress recently,” you whined lowly, wondering why you couldn’t zip yourself into the pretty blue gown. A figure soon loomed up behind you and in one swift motion the fabric was brought together tightly.

You met Seokjin’s eyes through the mirror in front of you and exhaled sharply in exasperation, trying to let the sudden fear ebb away into the hazy perfumed air.

“Don’t scare me like that.”

The tall broad-shouldered man left the room without a change in expression, saying in an impassive tone, “You were the one complaining. Women always go on about their weight, but there’s never actually a problem half the time.”

_How should I react to that? Is it a compliment… or is he being unfair to women?_

You grumbled and shook your head, leaving the bedroom to wait for Seokjin by the door. You’d gotten used to seeing him cleaned up and looking ravishing in a tailored suit, but even so it still gave you chills every time he stood close enough for you to get a good look. You wondered, for the first time, what he thought of you.

“Driver’s here, let’s go.”

~

The night went like most others, but something was different. Compared to the other events where there were mostly older adults and well regarded elders filling the venue, this one was a birthday party celebration for a young cousin, A.K.A a guest list mostly consisting of young adults while still being a formal occasion.

“This is Taehyung, he’s the one having the party,” Seokjin introduced in an almost bored tone, but you were absolutely enraptured by the man in front of you.

“Nice to meet you (Y/n), I’ve heard many good things.” Taehyung smiled, eyeing you up and down before moving on to ask Seokjin some general questions as a catch-up. There was no doubt about it, the man was a treat for the eyes.

No, he was one of the finest specimens you’d ever had the pleasure of looking at.

Your heart kept leaping every time the younger tanned male would gaze in your direction during Seokjin’s update, only being able to fix a smile on your face to try and hide the heat creeping up the skin of your neck and cheeks.

_Why are there so many attractive people here?_

Your eyes widened when you spotted another handsome man chatting up a group of girls nearby, and then another two were walking together towards the champagne table, acting as if they weren’t snatching the hearts of every young woman in the place.

“May I have a dance with the lady?”

You heard Taehyung’s low raspy voice as he made the request and snapped your gaze to Seokjin to see how he would react. You wanted to dance with the young man, but something about leaving Seokjin’s side felt weird. It’s not like you’d never left him at one of these events before, but tonight you were just brimming with all kinds of depraved tension.

“Sure, I’ll be over with Hoseok and Jimin.” Seokjin nodded, meeting your gaze briefly before turning away. You didn’t know why a small part of you wanted him to refuse the birthday boy’s wish, but you were going to enjoy yourself anyway.

“All good, I’ll take you over to them once we’re done,” Taehyung said to you as you both made your way to the floor. You looked up at him with a smile.

“Have you enjoyed the party so far?”

“Yeah it’s been great.” Taehyung smirked, “Became even livelier when you arrived, milady.”

You couldn’t suppress a gasp of surprise before huffing softly. You reached the floor and the tall man pulled you into his hold effortlessly.

“Your flirting could use some work, it’s a bit outdated. Plus, going for a married woman isn’t something you should practice.” You flashed him your own confident smirk, but he only twirled you around into a sudden dip that had your breath hitching again.

He chuckled, and continued to sweep you off your feet with his skillful dancing. “Come on (Y/n)-ah, it’s all in good fun.”

You already knew you were craving a man’s touch, because you’d been starved of contact for way too long and this dancing was not helping your situation. Taehyung was giving you everything you wanted and more. Letting you fall into him and lose yourself to the music and dance. It was absolutely exhilarating.

“Okay, I think you need to go back to Jinnie.” Taehyung laughed breathlessly as you stumbled off the dancefloor. You couldn’t wipe the grin from your face as you made your way to the food tables, one of Taehyung’s large hands resting on the small of your back and making your insides squirm in delight. At this point you just blamed it on really needing some attention.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if _I_ called him that one day?” You chuckled airily after chowing down on some expensive tasting food to restore your depleted energy. Taehyung stifled his giggle of amusement and put on a serious expression.

“I would condone it, but I’m not sure you’d leave that conversation alive.”

You both let out sniggers as you imagined Seokjin’s deadpan expression, glaring you down before you ultimately met your doom. Though the older male was usually calm and composed when you were alone together, you’d seen him get annoyed or irritated more than a few times around his other more well-known peers.

“Okay I get it, it’s a strictly family or friend nickname. Speaking of, how are you related to him?”

Taehyung finished swallowing his piece of bruschetta and met your eyes calmly. You didn’t know why a sudden sadness had washed over his features, but it was quite jarring to see considering that the man was so bubbly and animated.

“Well I’m his cousin, my mother was known to everyone as Aunty-”

“You guys took an awfully long time getting back,” Seokjin’s voice cut into the sudden tension you’d created for yourselves, and the way you jumped in your skin was utterly embarrassing.

“Hyung you should have seen how much fun she was having! Don’t you dance when you go to parties?” Taehyung cleared his throat and beamed his boxy smile, once again returning to his lively attitude as he poked fun at Seokjin.

You pursed your lips and thought, _when we go to dance, it’s to talk, not actually dance._

You exchange a knowing look with Seokjin and scramble around in your brain to try and figure out what to say to the young handsome man before you. How could he possibly know that you weren’t the happily married couple everyone thought you were?

“Yes, we do. Actually, I’m going to take her now.”

You balked as the black-haired man left no room for argument, he gently wrapped his fingers around your wrist and tugged you back towards the dancefloor. You had no choice but to wave a hasty goodbye to a puzzled Taehyung, not feeling the disappointment for long due to the feeling of Seokjin’s warm hand enclosing your wrist.

“This is sudden, is something wrong?” you asked softly, wondering why he appeared so agitated all of a sudden.

“I just needed to take you away from Tae. That conversation wouldn’t have led into anything nice. It’s not a story he should be going around telling people.”

_Once again, I need to stop over-promoting myself here. I’m still part of his version of ‘people’, otherwise known as ‘not trusted enough’._

As you made it to the floor, a slow song started playing and there was no need for a proper waltz. You thanked God, because after Taehyung had taken you out you basically had no energy left for proper dancing. Your feet were aching too, and here you thought you’d mastered the art of heels at this stage.

“It’s okay, Seokjin.” You sighed. “If you want to tell me someday then you can, but I won’t pry into it. Just know that I’m here with you as your partner, not just a random girl off the street whose attention is completely paid for all night.”

_In other words, I’m not an escort. I’m in this with you, not for you._

Seokjin seemed to be in one of his stunned silences, but when you looked up at him he was simply gazing forwards in some kind of daze. Perhaps he was reliving some old memories? You didn’t know, but you _did_ know how handsome he looked under this lighting. You noticed how you felt at ease in his arms, and how safe and secure this sense of normalcy with him made you feel.

After months of sharing a house and outward appearance with him, things had begun to feel more like _home_.

When you snapped out of the deep train of thought, you found your arms sliding themselves up and around Seokjin’s broad shoulders, your head leaning into the firm warmth of his chest. Almost as if on instinct, his own hands came up to hold your waist with no sense of the shyness he’d had that first time.

He felt as strong and broad as his shoulders implied.

“What are you doing?” he asked, obviously confused as you just pressed your body closer to him, eyes unfocused as they settled on the sliver of exposed collarbone his shirt had to offer. With his hands keeping you anchored in place against his frame, you felt the most comfortable you ever had throughout the past few months of being together. 

“Well, you’re warm and I’m just craving human touch right now. You can blame Taehyung for this if you need someone to pin it on.”

_Did I really just say that? I sound drugged._

“Human touch? Did he do something to you?” He repeated your words, sounding so unbelievably perplexed. You let your body sway with his for the next few moments before pulling away, almost losing your cool and snorting with laughter at how he had just gone with it.

“No, he didn’t do anything. I just wanted to know what it was like…” you tapered off, not knowing how to explain how you felt to this man who had never shown any signs of needing, or even wanting the same thing.

“How often do you have cravings … like that?” Seokjin murmured, still confused but keeping his hands firmly plastered on you so that you wouldn’t move away.

“Seokjin, don’t make it sound like some pregnancy snack. If you don’t let me step aside, I’m probably going to do something I’ll regret. I’m too unfocused right now,” you warned, somehow stopping yourself from laughing because you _knew_ he wouldn’t find the humour in it.

“Okay, but answer the question,” he urged while drawing his hands back sharply, as if he’d touched a burning hot iron.

“All the time, okay? All the damn time.”

You sighed, stepping away from his well-built figure. “Growing up with no one around me meant that the only affection and contact I got was either from the staff at home or people at school. With my friends, I was always the reserved one because I was used to less touch and attention compared to everyone else. It’s just how I’ve grown up.”

You’d gotten progressively shyer the longer you spoke, and you were now rubbing one of your arms with a free hand to try and rid yourself of the humiliation. You’d made yourself so vulnerable to him after so many months of both of you just trying your best to coincide with no extra interactions. It was so strange suddenly opening up, and awkward to think that it was in public while being surrounded by many, many people.

Before the black-haired man could respond, the song changed and the couples around you started dancing a little faster. You quickly left the floor and made your way to the refreshments table for some water. Your mouth had become so dry it could rival a desert.

“Hey, you alright?” a loud but deep voice caressed your ear, accompanied by an arm slinging around your shoulders to massage your exposed skin comfortingly. Taehyung looked into your eyes with concern lacing his features, wondering why you’d become so pale.

“Yeah, I just need a drink.” You laughed, leaning into the tall man’s embrace slightly before detaching yourself from the alluring body heat.

“Okay well let me know-”

“Sorry Tae but I think we’re going to head home early.”

Both you and Taehyung whipped your heads up at the sound of Seokjin’s steady tone. You noticed he looked slightly tired, but it was unusual considering how early into the night it was. His beautiful eyes found yours and you almost felt your legs give way at the slight apologetic hint swimming in their captivating depths.

_He’s taking you home because he feels bad after what you said, (Y/n)._

He _never_ cared before about problems as trivial as this, so why was he suddenly concerned for you? Why was he caring? After all this time, why was he still making your heart beat so erratically?

Yes, you respected him and yes, you wanted him to acknowledge you and have a similar sense of mutuality between you; that was how you built most of your relationships, but this was way too different to be cut from the same cloth. You craved this man in so many ways because you just valued him so fucking much, it hurt sometimes. You cared about him much more than he seemed to care about you, and you’d accepted that very early into the game.

So why was it hurting?

“Okay, yeah I’m feeling a bit beat.” You sighed, downing your cup of water before smiling weakly at Taehyung. The younger man seemed absolutely stunned at your abrupt change of attitude, but you’d already made your way to Seokjin’s side before he could really say much else.

Both of them had just seen you go through a million emotions at once, and it looked like you hadn’t been as skilled at hiding them this time around.

“See you Taehyung, it was really nice to meet you. Hopefully we’ll meet again at the next one.”

You waved, waiting for him to bid his own farewell before turning away. You didn’t want to show him the pained expression making its way onto your face.

Seokjin led the way to the car, as his longer legs meant he could walk that much faster. Usually you’d stop to watch him as he talked to the driver or packed a bag of gifts into the trunk of the car, but you couldn’t bear it for once. you just slipped into your usual seat and waited for your husband to get into his, slowly but surely.

Once he was seated, the car began to move. You and Jin gazed at one another in silence before you finally cracked and caved into the weariness clinging to your bones. You’d been torturing yourself emotionally for too long tonight.

“I’m sorry for what happened. I’ll get over this problem by tomorrow and things will be normal.”

Seokjin’s brows furrowed and he looked like he was going to say something to argue against your words, but then his plump lips pursed, and he heaved a heavy sigh.

“Whatever you say, (Y/n).”

Then he looked away, and you could tell he was thinking hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is much appreciated :)


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, this is just a short chapter I'm deciding to post as a bridge to the next part of the storyline. Hope you enjoy :)

“I know that you’re living a different life now (Y/n), but you still can’t skip out on the annual summer road trip,” your mother’s voice chided. You held the phone away from your ear slightly to avoid bursting your own eardrums.

“But - am I just meant to go on my own and leave the house? The road trips aren’t exactly meant for…”

You trailed off with a weird strangled noise in your throat, knowing that saying ‘people like him’ would only sound bad. Seokjin looked up at the changing tone of your voice, eyeing you with an intense curiosity. There was no way he _didn’t_ pick up that it was him you were referring to.

You had been sitting together at the dining table, feasting on an old-style Italian pasta dish you’d decided to whip up right before your mother called. It was one of the only times you two had actually eaten together since getting married, as you usually just ordered food whenever you were hungry or ate out somewhere his driver would take you.

You had just been shocked that the stoic man agreed to share what you’d made in the first place.

“He can come along, no worries. I’ve already told the guide that you’d be bringing your husband anyway, since I just assumed he’d go with you,” your mother said in a dismissive tone, seemingly distracted on the other end.

_Shit, right. We’re meant to be in love._

“Okay, but it’s going to be pretty different to what we’ve been doing so far.” You sighed, thinking about all the high-class parties you’d attended in the last few months, twirling some pasta around your fork absent-mindedly. Seokjin was going to be way out of his element here.

“Then it’s settled, you leave in a couple of days. Remember the meeting spot?”

“Yes, Mum. Bye then.”

You hung up the phone and sunk back into the chair across from Seokjin, exchanging his look with one fizzling with tension. Not one of you had touched your food since you took the call.

“You going to tell me what that was about?” he hummed after eventually moving to swallow down the last of his meal with a satisfied sigh.

“Yeah, just trying to figure out _how_ to tell you.”

He seemed a tad concerned, but didn’t push any further. You sat and brooded with your thoughts for another minute or so before running your hands slowly through your hair in exasperation. You could almost laugh at how strange this was going to be for him.

“Okay so we do this thing every year, although my parents don’t usually go, where our extended family and friends have a summer road trip out to the countryside and sometimes stop by the beach. It’s kind of like a break from the busy lives they all lead, and it’s … such a big difference from their wealthy lifestyles,” you explained, not catching any change in facial expression from the handsome man across from you.

“So … I used to tag along because like you just heard, my mother nags me to go, and the trips always turned out being not half bad. If anything, I enjoyed getting out and seeing the different ways of life the people there lived. It was a nice change of scenery too.”

You realized you were ranting and cleared your throat, pushing your half empty bowl away from you. Seokjin looked like he was pondering again, but you were already guessing the thought of a road trip probably put him off terribly.

“Look, my mother said you’d come along but no one’s going to force you. It’s just a getaway thing that lasts for a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t be gone for too long. Maybe you could attend a party or ball by yourself for once, it’d make everything much easier for you-”

“I’ll go.”

You blinked at him in shock, but he only gazed back with a spark of interest flashing in his dark eyes. The raw emotion was such a rarity for him that you had to blink again to snap out of the awed emotion that was now warming up your cheeks.

“You will?” you squeaked, hating how high your voice had pitched itself.

“Yeah, I don’t want life to get boring. I’ve never done something like this, so I’ll see how it goes,” he replied simply, a small smile resting on his lips as he took in your expression alighting with appreciation. Was he always this adventurous? Maybe deep down, there were sides to this man you had yet to discover.

“Well, we leave in a couple of days. I can tell the driver the meeting location and everything… uh, are you sure?”

“Yes, (Y/n).”

You got up from your seat and swept up your dishes, feeling an odd excitement flood your whole chest at the prospect of going on a retreat with Seokjin. Getting to spend some time with the man who was slowly but surely warming up to you was such a promising idea. Plus, lately you’d been wanting to get closer to him. Your need for pure company was becoming overwhelming.

You wanted your own husband to be the person you could turn to when you needed attention … but after giving it too much thought, you knew that there was no way he’d care enough to want to put up with that. It was borderline foolish of you.

“So, you didn’t really go on many holidays?” you probed quietly after rinsing the bowls. He’d shifted himself from the table to one of the kitchen stools to watch you work. You felt oddly comfortable under his searching gaze, even if you did look quite average in your tracksuit pants and simple white tee.

“If my father’s business trips count?” Seokjin snorted in dry humour. You could tell he was legitimately curious about the whole road trip thing, which was so baffling to you considering he’d barely tried to ask you about your life at all.

“Well, what did you do on those trips?”

You wiped your dripping hands on a dish cloth and sat across from him, only the sparkling white benchtop separating the two of you. You had been spending a fair amount time in this position during the past week or so, and it filled you with joy having these longer interactions with him whenever it happened.

“My father would take my brothers and I when we were younger to his workplaces. Teaching us his ways and getting us prepared for when we would take on jobs at the firm. My mother did her own thing, but would only talk to us about what we’d done that day. Maybe there was the occasional shopping trip for new clothes, but both parents were busy most of the time,” he said rather sourly.

Seokjin was obviously tired of having to spend so much of his life pleasing his own mother and father. You couldn’t have imagined how repetitive it all must have been, then again you didn’t really know what it was like spending time with _your_ own parents in the first place.

“Can you tell me what you used to do, then?” he asked suddenly. You raised your eyebrows in disbelief, because he was asking about _you_ , but then you felt bad for painting him in such a bad light. He wasn’t a terrible person; he just hadn’t engaged this much before. That’s why you were taken so off guard when he looked at you straight in the eyes and asked you the question so calmly.

“Um, yeah of course.” You smiled as the feeling of warmth enveloped your very soul, “So… since I never went on business travels with my parents, the only form of a holiday I ever experienced were these trips. They helped me relax and took my mind away from everything.”

You breathed out deeply at the memory of the countryside breeze, and the feeling of the piping hot beach sand crunching underneath your toes. You could only imagine the feeling of the sun’s rays kissing your skin as Seokjin watched in a mildly fascinated state.

“We’d travel as a large group in separate motorhomes – by the way we’ll most likely get one to ourselves – and stop in many small towns along the way. We’d go on walks and find lovely spots to eat lunch, and we’d visit special lookouts along with other cool cultural sites. The best thing was when you got the day to just venture through the place on your own, doing whatever you wanted and exploring the country.”

You unclasped your hands and let your voice die in your throat, not wanting to subject the man to more of your wistful reminiscing. He was hearing all about memories you held close to your heart, because throughout your school years the travelling was what’d kept your mind relaxed and stress-free.

“Sounds like it’ll be interesting for me. You said we’ll be given a motorhome, so we’re the ones driving?” he questioned quietly, almost as if he didn’t expect you to cut yourself off so soon.

“Yeah, I grew up with that brand of vehicle so I can do most of the driving. I’ve got my license,” you assured, barely stifling a giggle as you recalled memories of learning how to drive a motorhome for the first time.

“We can take turns,” he replied shortly, raising a strong eyebrow at you as if daring you to challenge him. You nodded in a slight daze of shock.

_So you can drive too, huh._

You never would have guessed, after knowing that the handsome man had been chauffeured around basically his whole life. What need would he even have for a driver’s license?

“Well, I’m going to bed. I’ll start packing for this trip, just let me know if I need anything else,” Seokjin announced with a grunt as he slid off the chair and made his way around the bench to stand before you. He was dressed pretty casually as well, with a light blue button-up shirt hanging over grey trousers, but he still looked so unfairly tasteful.

“The only thing I’ll really say is just bring casual, but comfortable clothes. Oh, and a hat or cap if you have one,” you said, feeling giddy with anticipation for the holiday already. He nodded to acknowledge the advice, resting his weight onto one foot and pursing his thick lips as he thought about if he did, in fact, own a hat.

“Goodnight then,” you spoke after feeling something strange wash over you. This random urge to show him how elated you truly were. Your steps were bouncy and full of life, similar to the fitful pounding of your heart that felt full to the brim.

You stepped forward and placed your hands upon his crossed arms, then stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips to his smooth cheek. He didn’t jerk away or tell you off, just stood rigidly still for a few seconds before leaving the room to head to bed. It was only after he was gone that it finally hit you.

_No way… did I just do that? Did I actually just freaking do that?_

Your face erupted into a fiery crimson blush and you almost slammed your head down into the benchtop below you. All the couple-like actions you both performed at the parties must have made themselves a habit of yours, and since you’d been feeling so happy the desire to kiss him just leapt out.

“Idiot, oh my God,” you whimpered to yourself, busying your hands by cleaning the rest of the kitchen in a hurry. The fact that he hadn’t said a single thing scared you. Did he hate it? Or did he like it, or did he just not care? There was no way of knowing!

You scurried off to your room and heard the door shut behind you a little louder than normal. Your embarrassment was flowing thickly through your veins at this point. You just needed to bury your head under the covers and forget that the whole thing happened.

It wouldn’t take long for _him_ to forget, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry it's so short! I'll polish up the next chapters soon <3


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Once again, I hope you're all doing okay and staying strong. I believe everything will work out, so don't lose hope <3
> 
> I've had this chapter for a while, just had to edit it a little bit. Enjoy :)

The road fell away in front of you as you scrolled mindlessly on your phone. After a round of brusque insistence on his behalf, you'd finally given in and let Seokjin convince you into relinquishing the driver's seat after a couple of hours on the road. You made sure to grumble in protest before plonking yourself down on the passenger side, him brushing you off easily.

You’d put the memory of the thoughtless kiss to the back of your mind, hoping that he’d forgotten just as swiftly. You were here to enjoy your trip, not to overthink about what had happened in the past. Thinking back on the past 24 hours, you sighed in defeat.

_Let’s hope we don’t crash._

***hours earlier***

You both arrived at the meeting place after countless attempts of stuttering out the _most_ confusing directions to the driver. At this point, you almost wanted to pass out and it was still relatively early.

Managing to greet all your aunties, uncles, and cousins as a couple of lovebirds came effortlessly enough. It was nothing but a way of life for you and Seokjin these days.

“(Y/n) you’ve grown so much. Oh, I’m going to cry!”

You tried to calm one of your more eccentric aunties while your husband stood awkwardly to the side, looking around at the gathered group of people in contemplation. Dressed casually again, he hadn’t been prepared for the sheer number of everyday individuals preparing to depart. All beside a line of large black and white motorhomes which were currently fuelling up under the shade of nearby woodland.

Once the two of you finally managed to break away from the introductions and reunions, you let out a sigh of relief. You were finally alone, sinking into the refurbished leather seats of the vehicle to regain your composure. Dealing with a horde of chipper relatives can deplete one’s energy like a starved leech if it continues for too long.

“Sorry, they’re just excited.” You laughed airily, leaning forward to switch on the air conditioner. The temperature outside was already heating up from the unforgiving sun, and you were going to positively drown in sweat if you didn’t get some cold air blasting on you lickety-split.

“They’re…lively. But it’s okay, I signed up for it anyway,” the tall man replied with a smirk of his own. He seemed amused at how quickly you'd been swamped, but he also seemed to notice how happy you were at receiving all the attention.

“The first one will probably leave soon. I’ll start driving and then if you want you can switch with me later. We won’t make it to the first stop today, but it’ll most likely end up being late tomorrow morning,” you explained while readying yourself at the wheel of the vehicle. Seokjin hummed in acknowledgement and craned his long neck backwards to ensure your bags were all safe a secure.

You admired how comfortable he looked in his simple travelling clothes. How he could pull off such a simple but effective appearance that highlighted his handsome features, such as his dusky brown eyes and midnight coloured locks of hair - hair that had grown out and gotten nicely longer, you might add - was a complete and utter mystery to you.

“By the way, we don’t have to put on as much of an act here with these people,” you began on a weirdly sombre note, trying not to look over at him for a reaction. “The whole relationship thing doesn’t matter to them as much. They won’t get suspicious or question us, so don’t stress too much about going all out, alright?”

“Okay,” came his simple reply, void of much emotion.

You didn’t know why you expected anything else, but a small part of you longed to continue pretending. You wanted to be with him, wanted to feel his hands on your skin again. It was almost too much for you to handle. You couldn’t imagine anyone else ever feeling so conflicted about their own lover, not to mention having hands on your _arms_ of all places.

_Absurd. Right?_

Suddenly, the motorhome in front of you began rolling forward and you pressed down slowly on the gas pedal to follow suit. Seokjin twisted his broad shoulders back around to face the front, blinking harshly as the sunlight shone through the windscreen and hit him forcefully in the face.

Your lips quirked up in an amused smirk. What a goof.

***present***

Your eyes drooped with a heavy sleepiness as Seokjin finally pulled the truck into the site where everyone would be camping. The drive had been quite lengthy, but you’d been swapping every few hours or so until you’d become too tired to go on. Being the husband-material he was, Seokjin gladly took the burden of getting you both through the rest of the way.

“Hey wake up, everyone’s getting out for some reason.”

You blinked the sleep out of your eyes and groaned, feeling slightly more energised from your nap but still groggy. You slowly made your way down the steps and outside into the humid air, nostalgic memories finally flowing into your mind as you watched the members of your family collecting around several bright vans.

“Oh, this is the food truck stop,” you rasped out in a matter-of-factly tone, causing Seokjin to eye you in confusion. It was luckily still light enough to catch his dumbfounded expression.

“There are food trucks in this parkland area, so we can go and buy some hot-dogs or something if we want. It’s always the first dinner stop,” you tried to explain mid-yawn. The sky was blending into darkness as the sun began to set below the horizon.

“You’re so sleepy.” Seokjin snorted lowly, almost chuckling when you looked up at him through glaring watery eyes from the yawn, as if it weren’t obvious enough. He looked fairly relaxed, and you gently smiled at the sight of his beautiful eyes lighting up with wonder at the view of the campsite around him.

It was enthralling, how fascinated he was with absolutely everything. Even though the red cap sitting atop his black mop of hair cast a shadow over his face, it was still easy to spot just how eager he was to just enjoy life normally for once. To be a commoner and forget about all the pressed suits he had hanging up at home, the bucket loads of cash sitting in his bank account, the disapproving parents.

Now was the time he could finally taste the sweetness of freedom.

All of a sudden, the tall man left a tap on your shoulder and leaned in close once you faced him curiously. The stuffy fog of sleep was immediately chased away from your whirring mind, and you widened your eyes in shock when one of his hands pulled you closer, indicating what he wanted you to do with a simple touch.

_Is he initiating a kiss, for once?_

You reacted almost instantly to his subtle body language, everything coming naturally as you stepped in closer and raised your lips to peck his plump ones sweetly. Your whole body was buzzing with eruptions of joy, heat and surprise at the impulse; hands curling into his shirt so that you could feel the warmth of his body even more…for just a little bit longer. It was so rare for him to be bold like this.

For a single second, you forgot what your relationship truly was and felt - for the first time - what it was like to pour your heart into loving another person.

An older man cackled with his friend as they shared a beer together. “My, you young ones are just so passionate, aren’t you?” You swept some hair back behind your ear and ducked your head to hide the embarrassed flush. Or maybe you were trying to hide the stupid smile sitting on your face.

“I’ll get some food for us,” Seokjin said after another few moments of observing the place. You inwardly gaped at him as he moved towards one of the colourful food trucks, wondering if he was going to actually cover you for food.

_What's gotten into him? Maybe it’s just because he’s used to putting on a performance, and that it’s such a different setting on top of that._

You shook your head to rid yourself of the fluffy feelings and jogged up to where your dark-haired partner was lining up for hot dogs.

“Do you want me to give you some cash for mine?” you asked hesitantly, gaze imploring for his attention again.

“No, go find a table to sit at,” he murmured, flicking his head upwards to point out a group of empty wooden tables nearby. You were pleasantly surprised at his motive and couldn’t help the way your jaw went slightly slack, simply stunned. Eventually, you complied and headed over towards the seats.

He'd looked so refreshed and so pleased with himself. Even with the weariness brought on by the long and tiresome journey.

The whole area was illuminated by a few atmospheric park lamps, but everyone knew that it would soon grow too dark to stay outside for much longer. Plus, you’d all need a good night’s sleep if you were going to make it to your stop tomorrow. You almost groaned again at the thought of driving so early.

“Here, I forgot to ask what drink you wanted, but you usually like bubbly stuff so I got a soft drink.”

Bit different from champagne, you surmised, but it was cute that he thought like that.

Seokjin placed a can next to where your arm was resting on the tabletop. Then, he held out a delicious looking hot dog sprinkled with fried onion rings, and you couldn’t stop the way your stomach grumbled and growled at the sight.

“I’m a starved woman, thank you.’’

He sat down and glanced around at the groups of people chatting, the strange but somehow never misplaced glimmer of interest never faltering in his eyes. On the other hand, you essentially inhaled the meal in front of you despite how weird it felt to ingest such cheap and fattening food. After months of high-class dining, it was more peculiar than one would think. Even something as unfamiliar as eating such a messy meal didn’t bother either one of you after the day you'd had.

“So, you don’t go around and talk to them much?” Seokjin questioned in a light tone of voice, picking his long and slightly curved fingers clean of any crumbs. The man was picturesque in how calm and concentrated he was. You decided that you liked that look of determination on him, even if it was for something so insignificant.

“I do, but I’m not really in the mood right now.” You sighed, resting your face into your palm so that you could ease the tension in your sore neck. You cast your gaze downwards and hoped that you wouldn’t regret your next words.

“Plus, I kind of want to spend most of my time on this trip with you.”

His eyes stared into yours from across the table, unblinking as he was thrown into one of his strange thoughtful silences.

You rushed to elaborate in a panic. “I-I … well I’ve done this trip many times and I thought it’d be nice to get to know each other a little bit more. We haven’t really asked many questions during the past few months, and I already feel so peaceful travelling together that I thought it’d be cool to just spend some time away from all the parties and shit to really relax and talk, you know?”

_Cool? Did I really just say it'd be cool if we talked? Fuck you (Y/n)._

You took a rickety breath and clasped both your hands together to try and hide your flustered appearance. With pursed lips and a slight cringe from the ranting accompanying your nerves, you searched his gaze with your own to try your best at reading him.

“Yeah, I know. It would make everything easier if we knew more about each other, so I don’t have to make up more lies,” he eventually spoke after clearing his throat quietly.

You thought he would’ve been more uncomfortable, or rather _less_ than willing to take you up on the suggestion, but you were surprised yet again at his almost enthusiastic response. Was he finally letting you see past the high and sturdy walls he’d built up at the beginning of your relationship? If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was coming out of his shell a little as well, but then again it wasn’t as if you knew enough to make that observation in any kind of confidence.

Maybe he's always been more open like this to people he was close with, and you were only just beginning to see this side. Even if that was the case, it made you happy to think that he was starting to trust you enough to change the way he acted. You were content enough to be considered as something close to a friend, at least.

“It’s late. We should head in,” his familiar voice snapped you out of your rampant thoughts, causing your feelings of bewilderment to skyrocket.

_I need to keep my shit together!_

“Yeah, sorry for spacing out.” You laughed, trying to shrug off the mortification at failing to keep your wits about you. Maybe if he stopped being so oddly charming with his perfect lips and enigmatic eyes, you’d be able to focus a little better.

You made your way to the last motorhome in the line. Seokjin had parked it a little ways from the others, almost as if he’d sensed your need for privacy and solitude. You were somewhat introverted at the best of times, so after a whole day of socialising you really wanted nothing more than to retreat back to your own little space to recuperate.

Had he figured that out, or was it just a lucky guess? Maybe he was just the same…

You followed him into the portable house and weaved yourself around the table and sofa lounges, eventually coming to stop by the comfy looking queen bed at the very back. This was where things would get weird again. You’d never shared a bed before tonight, and the couches weren’t large enough to allow anyone space to sleep either.

“Ah, I guess we don’t have a choice. You don’t mind, do you?” you remarked reluctantly, knowing that you were more than happy to have company in your bed, but he might not feel the same.

“Well what else can I do?” He shrugged with indifference. “I would’ve taken the couch if I could’ve already.”

“Right, sorry I didn’t tell you before we left.”

You sighed, more embarrassment clouding your vision as you hurriedly searched the inside of your suitcase for a flimsy shirt. It was way too hot during the summertime to wear a full set of pyjamas, so you hoped Seokjin wouldn’t feel even more uncomfortable by your choice of clothing.

_Better than being naked._

You shuddered with heat at the thought but pushed it all away quickly. This was already bad enough as it was.

“It’s fine, I honestly don’t mind if you don’t,” he grunted while beginning to unbutton his shirt. You swallowed thickly at the sight of his broad chest and collarbone slowly getting revealed the lower he went. That, paired with the way his hair had become messy and rugged after driving and running his hands through it, was a dangerous combination you were enjoying way too much.

“Well, I don’t. Never did." You smiled nervously before moving to the bathroom to get changed.

You knew that sharing a bed with him after so many months was never going to be an easy feat. It was awkward at best, with you trying your best to ignore the thoughts of him being so close - thanks to your fear of doing something unpredictable - and him having no trouble forgetting you were there altogether. It was nothing for him. Somehow, he could just sleep the night away and not think about the presence of other people constantly.

The sound of soft breathing, the occasional movement of a foot or arm, the slight rise of the duvet with every deep inhale, or even the dreamy mumbling slipping past lips every now and again. You envied the peaceful way he drifted off, knowing that living with siblings most likely allowed him to factor these things right out.

For you, they were things that kept your eyes wide open, mind running a million miles a minute.

~

The next morning brought you to the first town on the itinerary. The sleepless night faded away as you parked the large vehicle next to the others, legs already bouncing with excitement at the thought of finally visiting some of your old childhood pastimes.

You all spent the day traipsing through the streets while some of the older family members greeted the shopkeepers and residents heartily. You could feel your heart bursting at the sight of Seokjin looking around the place with wide eyes, obvious amazement lighting up his face as he regarded the interactions of those around him. There was a growing fondness there you never thought you’d see.

One parkland picnic later, and the two of you found yourselves mingling with the crowd. You surprisingly found it easy to talk about your married life together. Even though he was quiet and unsure of how to act, everyone loved Seokjin and found great amusement in teasing and joking around with him. Many times you had to bite your tongue to hold back a snort of laughter. The old uncles and aunties never did hold back their rowdy banter.

“I remember when I was first married, son,” your eldest cousin said and clapped a hand firmly onto Seokjin’s shoulder, “It’s always magical at first, but soon you’ll want to chew your own ear off!”

You all laughed at his sardonic humour. Everyone, even the hopeless romantics, knew that marriage was never supposed to be perfect.

“It can’t be magical the whole time?” Seokjin asked thoughtfully, the tone of his voice light-hearted but the nature of the question way too innocent for your boisterous family to bypass.

Okay, maybe not everyone knew.

You almost choked on your sandwich when the people around you burst into loud laughter, feeling sorry for your husband. He just didn’t know the group of people he was dealing with yet.

The older men clinked their beers together. “Look at this guy, he wants a life-long honeymoon phase!”

“Nah, I think he’s looking for an early grave instead.”

You furrowed your brows and yelled through a smile, “Hey! What do you take me for, a monster?”

They exchanged wide-eyed looks and chuckled again before waving you off and tousling your hair affectionately.

“Be careful or I’ll tell Aunty what you said.” You giggled, trying to fix your messy tresses.

The loud and harmless jesting continued amongst the rest of the group while you turned to see how Seokjin was going with his food. A smile curved your lips again when you spotted the slight crinkle appearing at the corners of his eyes. He was amused, and the way the beaming sunlight streamed down through the tree branches to light up his grinning face was breathtakingly perfect.

His eyes shifted to meet yours suddenly, and you were glad it didn’t cause his expression to change. His gaze, irrevocably beautiful, was so warm and lively. If you could, you would want to see him this happy for the rest of his life.

“Son,” he mouthed quietly after shifting his gaze away from your awestruck scrutiny, “I’m still waiting for my own father to call me that.”

A ruthless stab to your chest. Not only from his words, but rather the lack of emotion he expressed while speaking them.

You didn’t know the kind of relationships he’d had, or how he’d lived his life so far, but trying to find out was like trying to connect with a brick wall. This simple statement about his father had you swallowing back sympathy, and it was upsetting to think that you’d never even once thought to ask him about it.

You wanted – no, you _needed_ him to open up to you.

Quickly sifting through one of the cute picnic baskets led you to find a bundle of sweet packaged snacks. You would do anything to wipe that distantly forlorn look off his face, and universal law stated that candy was sure-fire way to lift anyone’s spirits. You personally loved them, but it was tough to determine if his tastes would match.

“Want a jelly?”

“Wait, you mean-” he started, but cut himself off when you finally fished out a specific packet and let out a small ‘ah!’ of triumph. His eyes shone with recognition, and you became confused at his unexpected reaction.

“I haven’t had these since I was young. They were my favourite, but my mother wanted us to stop eating too many sugary things…” Seokjin revealed, his lips pulling up into a smirk as he recalled his childhood memories.

“Well, you’re on your own now, and _I’m_ not going to stop you. So here.” You chuckled and waited until he’d grabbed a handful of jellies before popping one into your own mouth.

Seokjin shook his head with a huff. He obviously found it stupid how he’d followed the strict rules of his parents for so long, not allowing himself to rebel in the slightest. It had never been an option before, but now here he was – living in a motorhome, eating hot dogs and jellies, basically hitchhiking through old weary towns rather than having his head down working for a big-time business firm.

You watched his eyes trail over you again, almost picking up his phantom of a voice saying, _“So this is the life I could have lived.”_

It brought a smile to your face as you thought about the way his gaze had lit up and drank everything in with such fervour. His cold and masquerade-like world was changing, he was seeing life from a different perspective, and knowing that you’d played a part in that brought you immense joy.

It was a warm glow of happiness you’d never felt or known before.

Night fell once more. Everyone filtered away to their beds, eyes drooping and bellies full of the various baked goods of the town. It had been an amazing day, and you knew you couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity to help Seokjin emerge from his shell.

He seemed to be enjoying the trip for the exact same reasons you always had. Except now, you had another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little odd, but the events of this chapter were actually what spurred me into starting this story. They came from such a weird dream where Jin would keep surprising with small acts of affection. I can barely remember it now, but the dream just stuck in my mind for literal DAYS.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think :)


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while! Sorry folks. 
> 
> Soon I'll begin cross-posting this series to my [tumblr.](https://salade-tb.tumblr.com/) If you want to ask me questions or stay updated, feel free to check it out <3

When you came out of the tiny bathroom that night, the lights were already off, and all you could see was the mounded shape of Seokjin underneath the bedcovers. He must have been pretty tired, as he’d been the one with the most hours of driving under his belt so far. You stood and appreciated the way the lamps from outside cast tiny slivers of light across the surface of the duvet.

You climbed in, wishing that the bed was a lot bigger so that you didn’t have to feel or _sense_ his presence anywhere near you, the idea of little proximity making your knees weak … also considering his lack of shirt.

You wanted to be close to him, to feel his skin against yours, to hear the way he inhaled and exhaled small puffs of air as he slept, or even just the sound of his gentle heartbeat. Having that sense of closeness would make you feel so incredibly relaxed. You didn’t know how badly you craved it until now, and you didn’t know why that was.

Then he was turning over, and it was slow enough to make you panic, but not slow enough to give you the time to inch further away or turn yourself around. You were face to face with him, and his cursed eyes as they took in your slightly parted lips frozen from fear.

_Why is he even awake?_

He didn’t say a word, just blinked and waited for your tensed up muscles to loosen. As you sighed and ran a hand through your hair in frustration, he lifted one corner of his lips ever so slightly into a knowing smirk.

“You scared me, idiot,” you whined in a low tone, turning to face him again but keeping your eyes fixated to a point above his face. You couldn’t really bear the shame of looking into his amused gaze again. In truth, it didn’t seem like he wasn’t amused but rather just as curious as ever.

“Why can’t you sleep?” he wondered aloud with a certain rasp to his tone that you found _much_ too attractive. A loud part of you wanted to ask him to just keep talking, not even caring what or who he talked about. You only realised then that you’d brought a finger up to start tracing the outlines of his shoulders leading into his collarbone, the feeling of his lean muscle putting your mind at ease for some strange reason.

“Physical contact, right?” he then said almost to himself.

Your finger stopped in its tracks and you lifted your eyes to his in confusion. You must have been way too tired to even form rational thoughts. Had you seriously just been _touching_ his bare skin without hesitation?

“What?” was the only thing you could blurt out in your state of conflict.

He didn’t answer, but your shock was soon replaced by a tingling warmth when you felt one of his hands grazing the exposed skin of your waist, precisely where your shirt had ridden up the most. The way you shivered and sighed at the contact was too immediate to be considered normal, and you heard the way he softly inhaled at the reaction.

“You never really mention how badly you need it. I can barely understand it, or you,” he commented calmly.

 _“_ Your needs are different from mine. How can you understand something if you’ve never had to think about it? When you’ve never yearned for it so much that you almost lose your mind every time someone looks at you?” you said with a tinge of shame flaring immediately after the quiet outburst. You were too vulnerable, too much like an open book for him to read.

He seemed to be trying to keep his emotions concealed, but it was obvious how intrigued he was to watch your inner turmoil. He continued to run his hand downwards and then followed the slope of your hip back up towards your goose-bumped shoulders.

You were so happy to finally receive the touch and attention you wanted that you couldn’t help but shift closer to him. You heard a tiny murmur of disbelief rumble deep in his throat, but ignored it. You only moved to press your colder hand to his chest and run it upwards, and eventually burrowed your face deep into the crook of his neck. He was so warm, and it made you feel so unbelievably secure. You surrounded yourself with the scent of him and let out a large unbridled sigh of relief.

The wide hand that had stilled on your back from the shock began to move again. He gently brought your figure further into his and let his deft fingers continue tracing patterns onto your back over the fabric of the shirt.

“Since the wedding, I’ve made sure to keep my distance because I was sure we’d be out of this almost as soon as it started. I’ve always been reserved to people in my life and that hasn’t changed,” he said so quietly that you would’ve missed it if you hadn’t been so close to him.

“So, I don’t get what you’re seeing in me now really. I know you better than to think you’re seeing me as a simple warm body, it’s much deeper than that. Why do you feel the sudden change in attitude, after all this time?” Seokjin murmured. It was questionably the longest time you’d heard his voice speak in succession.

“I guess I just wanted to be this close to someone for once,” you whispered with a sad smile. “It’s like that one time we were dancing but a zillion times worse. Since the start, I’ve battled with loneliness and thought of myself as self-sufficient and independent, but for some reason it’s all suddenly changing, and I don’t really know how to feel.”

Right then was when you’d let your walls crumble into a dusty pile of bricks and stone. You were so exposed; you may as well have been sitting stark naked in front of the man. All your insecurities were laid out on the slab for him to see … One. By. One.

You continued in a breathy voice, one beat away from breaking. “It has nothing to do with how you’re not the warmest or most companionable husband out there. That didn’t matter to me before, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter now. Think of the life I’ve lived…”

It was silent for a few moments as you let him mull over his thoughts. The rhythmic sound of his relaxed breathing soothed you into your next words.

“A partner. That is what you are to me, and that means you’re kind of irreplaceable since I’ve never had one before. It doesn’t matter if you’re distant, or cold, or even confusing at times because at the end of the day we only have each other to come home to. And if you’ll indulge me sometimes, I’d like to see you as the rock that keeps me grounded. The one common denominator reminding me that I’m not alone in that big, empty house.”

You paused, not knowing if you should continue due to the lack of response. When he seemed to still be running it over in his head, your sudden spark of confidence fizzled and almost died out completely.

“I’m probably the most selfish person for this, but to put it simply I’m using you as a security blanket. Wrapping myself up in the familiarity just to feel safe. Because you always just seem to have it together whenever I’m the one breaking down.”

_He was just starting to open up to me as well, yet here I am scaring him away like a madwoman._

“That’s why you wanted to stick with me since the beginning, right?” he spoke surprisingly after a few heavy moments. “At all those first parties and balls you had no idea of what you were doing, so you asked to stay beside me because you were the outsider and I was the one stranger out of all of them that you just happened to know a little more.”

he mused, cast into a thoughtful sense of amazement. “I saw that you were scared, but didn’t know that you felt that way back then.”

You couldn’t help but shift your gaze upwards to garner any kind of visual reaction from Seokjin. When you only found his eyes looking down at you with a profound look of shining sympathy, you blinked away the tears pricking at the corners of your own and buried your face deep into the space between his neck and shoulder. He was a like refuge, and you were only hiding from your own disgrace.

The sound of his deep even breathing was lulling you into a sleepiness so strong that you could feel your lashes kissing your cheekbones every few seconds. Your chest was positively alight with a burning bittersweet combination of happiness and regret.

He was holding you close, giving in to your cry for help even though your past self would have never believed it.

~

Days passed, and ultimately so did your roadside adventure.

The last night was proving to be an absolute delight, with the whole group sharing toasted marshmallows on large twigs around a crackling campfire. The vehicles were parked around you, casting long looming shadows along the grass while you all reminisced about your healthy time spent away from work and life in general.

For you, the highlights had definitely been the beach. Feeling the sun-kissed sand underneath your toes and listening to the sounds of rolling ocean waves had almost put you in a trance of sorts, a serenity you could barely describe. Other memories were things such as shopping in the old town stores, dining on the most nostalgic meals, spending the summery nights gathering with family members and catching up on your busy lives.

These were all just some of your favourite moments spent on the trip, but they couldn’t compare to the ones you had experienced with Seokjin. Even now, as you sat near the campfire surrounded by the busy ramblings of your real family, his magnetic field of a presence drew you in.

There he sat next to your grandfather; three fingers pressed firmly to the strings of an acoustic guitar while the older greying man showed him how to strum out the chord. You felt your heart squeeze when Seokjin smiled lightly and took over from the elderly man. He began playing the instrument shyly, fingers still shaky from inexperience but getting the hang of skill as if it were something as simple as breathing.

“(Y/n).” His steady voice broke into your thoughts like a freight train. You brought yourself back into focus to see him tapping the tightened strings of the guitar gently. The warm orange glow of the nearby fire flickering its own cadence of hues onto his flawless features.

“I’m getting one of these when we get home.”

Everything within you stuttered at his matter-of-factly statement, and for some reason the smile plastered on your face began to falter.

_‘When we get home.’_

Why did these simple words cause your bottom lip to quiver ever so slightly, or your eyes to brim with unbidden salty tears? You couldn’t even pick apart the emotions within you to decipher whether they were ones of happiness or sadness. Everything was a jumble.

“Sorry,” you excused yourself before placing your stick covered in gooey marshmallow remnants on the flat log below. Nobody really took notice as you made your way briskly towards your motorhome, face tingling with pent up feelings and mind a whirring mess.

_I’m happy, and surprisingly enough, that’s a bad thing._

You let the motorhome door click shut and threw yourself onto the soft pillowy bed face-first.

_I’m happy on this trip, but that isn’t the problem. I’m happy with him…_

A lonely tear of frustration escaped the confines of your willpower, trailing a warm path down your cheek in a sad descent. It soaked into the white fabric underneath.

_I’m not meant to be happy with him! I’m meant to be just waiting it out until we go our separate ways. I’m meant to be disengaged, disinterested._

You gripped the bedcovers harshly, knowing that your own foolish need for his touch had gotten you into this chaotic disarray. You were so happy to know that he wasn’t an asshole, that he wasn’t some douchebag who had his head stuck up his own ass. You were ecstatic to find out that the man you’d been condemned to marry just wasn’t the whiny juvenile brat you’d expected.

“But why would everything be easier if he was?” you whimpered to yourself.

Then the door was being pulled open and the sounds of the chirping crickets flooded into the van, all the way to your throbbing ears.

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

Hearing Seokjin’s voice after mentally recalling every aspect about him you admired only twisted the knife deeper into your gut. You knew you should have pretended to be tired and needing sleep, but under his watchful eye it just wasn’t going to happen. Slowly, you sat up and combed the flowing hair out of your face with firm unforgiving fingers. 

At the sight of your tear-stained skin and blotchy eyes, Seokjin’s gaze softened and he exhaled loudly before making his way over. You were so upset at yourself for letting things happen the way they had, but this time you didn’t hide your emotions away out of courtesy.

“I’m sorry Seokjin.” You cleared your throat and sniffed. “I’m sorry for letting myself believe... I’ve gotten so used to fooling other people about us that I forgot to exclude myself. So, I’ve been fooled.”

By now the tears were gone, and the only evidence remaining of your explosive breakdown was the hoarse edge to your voice. You knew he probably wouldn’t understand the confession, and it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. You were the only one dumb enough to pull the veil back over your eyes. The veil convincing everyone watching that you were in love, and in turn seeing it all through the same shroud.

You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore. You were in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started strong with the fluff, but couldn't help bringing angst into it lol. Please let me know what u all think :)


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Bit of a quicker update this time around. It's a long chapter too, I hope it doesn't bore anyone (I've read over it so many times that I'm beginning to think it's terrible). 
> 
> Anyway, feel free to leave any thoughts at the end. Enjoy!

The driver bid you both a chaste farewell and soon you were making your way up to house both of you had grown used to sharing. These days, it was simply your safe space, a place you’d slowly begun to warm up to, where you could live and work peacefully in the unimposing presence of your husband, who worked equally as hard for his family.

This was your place to finally belong, the stupidly large mansion that could house ten more of you plus your family with ease, but alas it was still your mansion.

 _Our … mansion_.

You couldn’t recall the moment where you’d begun to think of it as a home rather than a house. In your mind, it wasn’t really the house itself, but rather the people who lived there that made it a place you could truly call home.

You looked over to Seokjin and suppressed a sigh of built up emotion. The man was currently bringing most of the bags inside without a hitch, making use of his broad shoulders and hauling weight as if he weren’t wielding enough hierarchical power to get it brought in for him by the driver. Watching the scene only reminded you of how much had changed during your time away.

For one, Seokjin had shocked you with how easily he’d adapted to the different atmosphere and routine. There were no complaints from him about accommodation, food, or even the over-the-top rowdiness and friendliness of the company. He’d taken it all on board with a curiosity you honestly found adorable, and even adopted some of the various mannerisms. Watching him carrying all the luggage inside was just an example of his new way of living, one you chose to call ‘like a normal person’.

You were also growing closer somehow. The usually stoic man had opened up significantly, and you were discovering new things about him just as quickly as he discovered them himself. For instance, he found an enjoyment for cooking after helping some of the uncles with their traditional barbeque, he’d shown interest in acquiring a guitar for himself as soon as he could, and he was becoming more talkative as he began relaxing his hold on the professional barrier between you.

It was as if he was finally allowing himself to live the kind of life he always wanted. No luxurious parties, no expectations, no having to save face with every public outing. You were a messy mixture of nerves, uneasiness, and excitement at the prospect of getting to know Seokjin for who he was.

 _He_ had to discover who he was first, though.

“Dinner will be delivered soon.” His voice filtered out from the kitchen area distantly, and only then you realised you’d been standing in the front entrance in a daze. Lost in your thoughts like a fool. Even so, it was hard to miss the odd note hidden deep within his tired voice.

“Why do you sound disappointed? Is it not what you wanted?” you queried while leaving your bags at the front door for someone to collect later. You made your way into the living room with probing eyes, trying to find where his voice was coming from before spotting his black mop of hair scattered on the back of the lounge.

He didn’t respond at first, only met your gaze with his own investigative ones. You sat down heavily on the other lounge with a sharp exhale. Seokjin drummed his fingers against the leather while lifting one leg to cross over the other elegantly, and you knew he was just trying to avoid talking about what was on his mind.

“You can tell me, you know.” You rolled your eyes at his silence.

He ran both hands through his hair roughly and you almost felt breathless at how messy he’d made himself, like he’d just rolled out of bed. Considering you were both still in your casual clothing from the road trip, it was a sight that made your whole body tingle with a fondness you couldn’t explain. You were just beginning to see more of his hidden personality, and that made you happy in some indescribable way.

“I don’t know, I was hoping to actually try and cook something for once. Like hyung was telling me…”

“Oh? there’s that word again,” you chuckled, trying to ignore the happy swell in your chest after hearing that he wanted to try cooking the same things from a few nights ago, “and you can get the grill out tomorrow night if you want.”

“Hmm, I’ll see how I feel. Anyway, what word?” he asked while sitting back and continuing to run his hand through his hair lazily, expression puzzled. You felt so annoyed at the longing you felt to be the one doing it for him. You had been wondering what his silky looking tresses had felt like for the longest time.

“Is it ‘hyung’?” You smiled in embarrassment, mouthing out the word carefully to try and pronounce it in an acceptable manner at least, though you could never hope to sound fluent right off the bat. Seokjin’s eyes fell to you as the word left your lips, the small lifting of his cheeks being the only hint that he was trying to suppress his amusement. The way his cocoa coloured eyes sparkled at the sound of his native tongue made your heart squirm.

“It’s a good attempt, but no it’s pronounced more like ‘hyeong’. Try it.”

“Hyung.”

“Yeah, that’s … better.”

You hid your grin with the back of your hand, eyebrows shooting up at his unsure sounding feedback. He even managed to crack a tiny smirk of his own, his full lips making him look even more model-like under the soft lighting of your living room.

“Hey, how am I meant to get it perfect straight away? Besides, I forgot what it means already,” you huffed, and brought your legs to tuck comfortably underneath you.

“It’s just a term we use to refer to older males,” he explained, letting his head fall back against the seat slowly. Seeing his eyes fluttering to a close made you wonder how tired he must’ve been feeling. After spending so much time interacting with strangers, and driving, and pretending to be your husband, you supposed.

The jarring noise of the doorbell brought you to your feet, and you went to collect your dinner from the front door as Seokjin gave a quiet nod.

_Now that he’s brought it up, I think I’d prefer a home cooked meal too._

“So, am I meant to call you ‘hyung’?” You laughed inwardly while making your way back to him. You were excited to learn more about him now that he was opening up and unfurling in front of your eyes.

He had to purse his lips slightly to avoid smiling again. “No, and please don’t. It would feel way too odd to hear that from you.”

“Oh.” Your heart cracked a little, thinking _of course_ he wouldn’t want his foreign partner to try and so poorly imitate something such as his native language, something he considered close to his heart and home. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t think-”

“It’s okay, it’s just that Korean _women_ don’t use ‘hyung’. If you are female and want to refer to an older male, or partner…” He seemed to hesitate, as if rethinking his decision to elaborate on the subject at all. “Then you can call m- you can use _‘oppa’_.”

You swallowed a mouthful of steak before attempting to copy him. “Oppa?”

Seokjin blinked before giving you a tiny nod. Not a single second passed before he was focusing back on his food, the conversation apparently hitting a weird place for him.

“I don’t have to go around calling you that. It’s not like I’m trying to adopt another culture,” you clarified for him, noting how his shoulders seemed to relax at your gentle tone. “I only want to understand you better, Seokjin.”

His hands faltered in their movements to cut the tender steak on his plate. You didn’t catch any change in his expression, as expected, but his eyes gleamed with something you could only describe as appreciation. A few months ago, neither of you probably thought you’d end up sharing your ethnic differences with one another over dinner like this.

The house had always been so silent with just the two of you, and your mind kept thinking back to your old home where there were always maids, cooks and butlers milling about. It struck you as a little peculiar, so you decided to ask.

“Sorry to change the subject, but why is it that your mother requested there to be no live-in staff here?”

Seokjin continued to eat slowly but looked up with a thoughtful gleam in his eye. “I was confused too, but she always brushed it off. Something about family traditions requiring minimal interferences? I didn’t really get it since I’d never heard of said ‘tradition’, but I never really understood her methods anyway.”

_Oh…_

Your face burned as you understood what he was saying. It was almost laughable, how oblivious he was to his mother’s implications. The thought probably never crossed his mind that she could be referring to the two of you having sexual relations in some way. Well, why _should_ the thought cross his mind?

This was never meant to be anything more than a fake relationship, an array of masks worn only to fool them into believing it was true. It was easy to understand why his mother would think accordingly. You had been trying to trick her, but perhaps you’d been just a little too convincing.

“Yeah, weird huh?” You cleared your throat, offering to take up his dish as you both finished off the meals. The case of the understaffing was forgotten as you moved back to where your husband was half sprawled on the couch, but now the quiet hum of the television accompanied the room and you were thankful to have something filling the silence. Even if it was something was simple as slightly muffled voices from the people on the big screen.

You plonked back down on the leather and felt relaxation crawl up your spine in the best way. You were slowly beginning to believe that there was almost nothing better than this. Spending a night at home with someone you cared about, watching a movie or TV show, nice and warm and _comfortable._

You briefly registered that in your current position, Seokjin’s arm that’d been outstretched along the back of the seat now rested just behind your neck. You thought nothing of it, knowing _he_ sure as hell wouldn’t, but let your imagination take the reins at all the possibilities presenting themselves.

Imagining a smile tugging at his lips as he brought his arm down to drape across your shoulders. His warm hand as it cupped your jaw, a gentle thumb drawing tiny circles into the flushing skin along your cheekbone. You imagined the feeling of your smaller hand travelling up the hardened expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the lean muscle and taut ridges underneath the flimsy barrier separating skin from skin.

You felt your face flush further in surprise when your daydream was snapped away into thin air, the cushion underneath you squeaking as he suddenly moved from his slumped position.

“I’m about ready to call it a night. The driving must’ve taken more out of me than I thought,” he said while sporting a grunt of effort, his face wincing at the pop of his joints once he stretched his long legs out. As he brought his arm inwards to follow suit, you felt the slightest brush of his fingers graze your neck. The small shudder that racked your body from the sensation was instantaneous, and you knew that your shameless imagination from earlier had made the cravings for his touch worse.

Unintentionally, your body shifted to try and follow his hand before you managed to will yourself into a stiff, unmoving statue.

_Shit, what was that?_

You closed your eyes and blew out your cheeks in annoyance, directed at nobody but yourself. Was it really all becoming too much for you the handle at this point? When had you become so … pathetic and needy? This wasn’t like you at all.

It was only then you realised Seokjin hadn’t moved since your loss of inhibitions. You wrenched your eyes open and glanced over to him, knowing full well that his observant gaze had seen the entire display from beginning to end. _Oh God no!_

“(Y/n), I’ve been thinking,” came Seokjin’s voice through the robotic sounding laughs emitting from the speakers of the television. He was holding his arm awkwardly in the air just above his own lap, as if it had been electrocuted and was no longer capable of moving.

“About what? Oh, when is our next event? I forgot to ask you earlier,” you uttered faintly, trying to cover up your reddening face with one hand. There was no way he was going to let what happened slide, you knew just by seeing the pointed look in his curious dark eyes. He lowered his arm and kept his eyes fixated on your jittery form.

“Not for ages, but anyway that’s not what I was thinking about,” he said with a lazy mumble to his voice that was honestly just a little too low, teetering on seductive but obviously unintentional.

You mentally implored him to forget your stupid reactions. It was getting out of hand and you were already trying your best to rein yourself in.

“Oh?” You raised a brow, waiting for the inevitable questioning that was surely coming your way.

In all honesty, you just wanted to go shower and sleep for the next _week_. During the trip you’d had so many restless nights, being too caught up on the whole sharing a bed situation. It got better as time went on, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t meant to be there in between the sheets with him. Every time, you held yourself back from the urge to touch him and shuffle closer to his side.

_Rein it in. Rein-_

Seokjin finally parted his lips in to respond, “It’s just that I can’t help noticing how you get lost in your thoughts lately, along with all the other odd reactions. You keep getting this look on your face, like you’re longing for something, and I can’t help but think back to what you were saying at Taehyung’s party.”

Okay, well this was a bit more than you expected. You felt shivers of humiliation travelling up your skin at the thought of him noticing your fantasizing, of all things. Were you really becoming that obvious even in a state of subconscious? Damn, things _were_ really worse than you thought.

“What? At Tae’s party?” you murmured, trying to awkwardly laugh it off in the process. How did he manage to call you out like that with the straightest of faces? It was almost unfair that he could be so serious and not become affected by these things.

“Yeah,” Seokjin continued. “How you said you craved human touch all the time because the way you grew up left you wanting. I realised during the trip, how content you looked when you were receiving affection from your family members … and me.”

You snapped your eyes up to him, looking to see if his expression would give anything away about what he was thinking even though you knew it was futile. To your shock, his face actually wasn’t the same blank slate you were used to seeing when he pondered. For the first time, you saw him show slight apprehension as he nibbled on his plush bottom lip.

‘And me’ he’d said. You were suddenly thrown back to that one night in the motorhome, which honestly seemed like a mere fever dream, where he’d run his hands along your body and held you close for the first time. That first night you had shared the same bed, and all the dams had broken within you.

_It was the night I opened up to him, and maybe that was when he decided to do the same._

“So, I want-”

He cut himself off and sat forward, looking so bewildered and lost that you were beginning to grow concerned. At the recollection of all these memories, you were already feeling vulnerable and ashamed. His vagueness was not helping you keep your shit together.

“I want you to show me what you mean. What are you asking for when you say those things?” He finished by clasping his hands together and looking up at you as hopefully as he could, which was minimal for him. You couldn’t really believe your ears at this point.

“Show you?” you repeated in disbelief. “H-how?”

“Show me what you need,” he rephrased, straightening his back slightly and fiddling with his fingers.

It was a cute little habit you’d never seen before, but your brain could barely register that when you were already reeling from what he was saying. He was close enough that you could catch the scent of his faint cologne, and it was making your head spin faster and faster. The quiet sound of the television faded out as you focused on his beautiful eyes right in front of you.

“You want me to touch you?” You tilted your head, feeling like you were having an out-of-body experience when he nodded to confirm your suspicions.

“If that’s what you want.”

It was strange, not knowing whether to feel happy or whether to feel humiliated, or relieved, or even saddened; all because of your neediness that he’d seen way too many times.

“Okay.”

Your shoulders sagged in a strange sense of defeat. This whole impasse had been your weakness from the start, and now it was finally coming to light. You were ready to help him understand things from your point of view, and maybe he would start to see why you’d been acting this way.

He’d grown up in a similar environment, even despite some stark differences. Why couldn’t there be just a small chance that he might relate somehow?

“What do you feel when you get close to another person?” you asked softly, untangling your feet from under each other and resting them squarely on the ground in front of you. It was intimidating to look up at his looming figure this boldly, yet being so close to his body heat only seemed to put you more at ease.

You wanted to fall into him and have him cradle you in his arms, but you knew that if you were going to show him the right way, you needed to take it slow. 

“I don’t feel so different. It doesn’t happen often, actually,” he mused while keeping his eyes focused on you. “When I see my mother at galas or balls, I suppose it just feels like I want to get away.”

You stifled a chuckle at the thought of his mother’s smothering putting him off. It was like that for so many kids out there, but you couldn’t share that feeling when it was lucky for you to even _see_ your mother once in a while. Seokjin’s tensed frame seem to falter slightly when you knowingly smiled up at him. Gone was the shyness, the tiptoeing, the never-ending feeling of restraint.

This was your husband in front of you, and now he was asking you to touch him.

“That’s understandable Seokjin, but I mean in other instances where it’s perhaps more welcomed, or even instigated mainly by you. Say, you see your brother after a long time, so you hug him. Yes?”

The man’s black hair bounced slightly as he nodded. You hadn’t made any moves to be closer to him yet, and you could sense his confusion, but truly it was best to go gradual for him to understand. Rather than you just throwing yourself at him in a barrage of limbs.

“How does that make you feel, compared to how you feel normally?” you tried again, your eyes wide with a curiosity that probably burned even brighter than his. A month or so ago, you never would’ve thought you’d be having such a close and intimate conversation about his relationships.

Clearly, the road trip had not only changed you both in multiple ways, but it had also changed the very dynamic tying you together. The foundations of your relationship, and what it meant to each of you. The man sitting before you now was nothing but a far cry from the man you’d once faced at the altar. As foolish as it was, you could not be prouder of him.

“I suppose I was taught to just do it in certain situations. I never thought about how it made me feel,” he offered in a low voice, brows furrowing as he tried thinking about how he could be more helpful. The slight pout to his pinkish lips had your heart beating erratically.

“Seokjin, do you care about me?” you asked, and time drew to a stop.

This was the kind of question you told yourself you would never ask him. It was almost impossible to answer considering your circumstances, and the owlish look in his eyes told you that you were right in thinking so.

“Yes.”

Your world resumed spinning, but the silence continued. Honestly, you didn’t think you would have kept it together if he’d answered no. You loved him, that much you were sure of, but before the holiday you had been confused about whether you cared for the man so strongly out of your pure desire for close friendship and companionship. You weren’t dense though. These feelings were far more than that, and you were an idiot for entertaining them.

You stared into each other’s eyes, trying to read foreign minds and figure out what it all meant. He cared about you, and you cared about him. That much was a given, but the true depth of that fact remained a constant unknown. He exhaled sharply, almost as if he couldn’t really believe he’d answered so sincerely. So _quickly_.

“I didn’t think I would, but since the beginning you’ve turned out to be quite different than who I thought I’d be married to. My life … changed, but it was seamless and easy compared to the complicated mess I thought I was going to have to deal with,” he explained with sad eyes. His gaze had been trained on the floor since he’d given you ‘yes’ as an answer.

You shifted closer and brought one hand up to lift his lowered jaw, angling it to face you so you could see his inquisitive eyes once more. His large hands remained clenched in his lap, unsure of what to do at this point.

“Seokjin I care about you too, so you don’t have to feel like you’re on your own here.” You laughed quietly, noticing his shoulders relax as you moved your hand up to rest on the side of his face. Your fingertips buried themselves into the shorter strands of his hair.

_If only he knew the true extent of my feelings._

You cleared your throat, trying to push away the intrusive thoughts before they took over, and switched your teacher mode on quickly. “This is a … type of contact that you can kind of do anytime, and you can even play with the person’s hair, or just kind of massaging gently.”

You demonstrated by slowly bringing your hands up to run through his marvelous black locks, lips parting in amazement at the feeling of his soft hair you’d always imagined combing back with your fingers. Your other hand shaped itself to his face as you tried your best to stop yourself from leaning any further forward.

You couldn’t kiss him like this just yet. Not when it would actually mean something to him, for the first time.

“Why do you say ‘the person’s’? You know I wouldn’t have the nerve to try this with anyone else, right?” He murmured unexpectedly; his eyes somewhat nervous at what you were implying. You were quick to push your surprise away and nodded, because it was the only response you could think of.

He took a small but deep breath to regain himself, letting his stoic persona continue to melt underneath your touch. “May I?” he asked in a soft voice, and once again all you could do was nod your head.

He brought one of his hands up hesitantly and you couldn’t help a small fond smile at the way he was concentrating so intently on the movement. As soon as his hand made contact with the skin of your cheek, you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning into it. He watched in wonder as your eyes fluttered shut, his other hand now carding itself through your slightly messy hair.

If you’d been a cat, you were certain a distinct sound of purring would emanate from your throat.

He smoothed all your hair back until it was no longer ruffled, and then brought both hands back to cradle your face once more. You didn’t realise you’d been leaning forward and running your hands up his chest until the moment you reached his shirt collar, and your eyes zeroed in on the expanse of his neck just long enough to see his Adam’s apple bob up and down in a hard swallow.

“Um, now you can touch a bit lower if you want. Or just hold my hands if you’re more comfortable with that,” you breathed, trying to bring your thoughts to a focal point while removing your hands from him sharply. He looked so picturesque up this close. You just wanted to stay in this position for hours upon hours.

“Like this?” He voiced hoarsely. You tried to keep your breathing normal as one of his hands fell down to encompass yours, but the other traced the line of your jaw before gliding downwards and brushing against the tender skin of your neck. Just has he had in the beginning before all of this had started.

“Yeah.”

You almost whimpered at the tingling sensation, but kept it in for the sake of the exercise. This man was absolutely dangerous for your wellbeing. It wasn’t even his actions at this point, just his undivided attention and careful eyes tracing over the curve of your figure that had your insides turning to jelly.

“That’s probably enough for now. I can hear your brain working,” you spoke and let out an airy laugh when his fingers hesitated in their descent. It was as if he was trying to compute too much information at once, and somehow, the way he was trying his best was oddly charming.

He grunted. “I’m just- I’m trying to understand you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” you responded with a genuine smile, noticing how his words mirrored your own from earlier back when you’d butchered his native tongue. “Now I don’t know about you, but I’m so exhausted I could pass out.”

“Yeah, now I’m really calling it a night.” He cleared his throat with a sigh, mind clearly burning out from the overload of new experiences.

He stood from the couch so suddenly, a stiffness taking hold of his movements. Just what was going through his head at a time like this? You missed his close proximity almost immediately.

Like a robot programmed to move, you also heaved your body up from where it was beginning to sink into the cushions. This whole turn of events seemed unreal, and you could feel your heart still throbbing in your chest at the feeling of Seokjin underneath your fingertips. He had been so warm and had looked so beautiful.

You ran your fingers through your hair as the silence permeated the air, the only sounds being your husband's gentle footsteps as he packed away a few things around the house. You gathered your own bags from the front door and sluggishly traipsed towards your bedroom at the opposite end of the hallway.

_I don't want to be on my own._

The invasive thought made you take a few shaky steps back. You were ready to put everything at risk and confess to him how lonely and in love you were, yet to your surprise the sound of his voice softly calling your name made you falter in your tracks.

You stood in the doorway looking outwards as he loitered in front of his own bedroom door at the opposite end, one large hand resting on the doorknob as if he'd been hesitating to open it.

"Did you hear me?"

You relaxed your stance, a sudden embarrassment beginning to settle in at how eager your movements were. "Yeah? What is it?"

_Please let me stay with you. Please let me-_

"Isn't it - doesn't it seem strange?" He seemed to inwardly backpedal all of a sudden, his pretty eyes falling to the floor and his slightly down-turned nose twitched in regret. "I mean, sorry if this is weird, but after sharing a bed for the entire road trip, doesn't it feel strange to suddenly go back to our own rooms?"

“Ah.” You somehow managed to suppress a hefty sigh of relief, pure ecstasy shooting through your body like some special brand of heroin. You tried to bump up his courage with a reassuring smile. "Jin yes, I still want to spend the night with you."

His eyes rose from the floor as the burden lifted from his mind, shoulders seeming to shake free the stiffness that had taken hold of them ever since the couch fiasco.

"I'm glad. Come over here then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like if there's gonna be smut, it might happen soon. No promises though :)


End file.
